Etiquette tips for volunteers and those who manage them

I managed to live out fifteen years of my adult life without volunteering. It's not that I never did anything for free.  I frequently drove family members to the airport, brought side dishes to Thanksgiving and helped friends move (albeit begrudgingly).  But, due to work and later, child-rearing pressures (or so I told myself), I did not commit to any kind of formal volunteering and I liked it that way.

Three years ago, it suddenly dawned on me that I had been missing something.  I signed up for my first official volunteer role, and have been making up for lost time ever since.  I can't pinpoint the reason for my change of heart but I can admit that it wasn't pure altruism.  A need to network for business due to a global recession, my kids starting school and my 40th birthday combined to create the right time and the right environment for volunteering.

Since then I've sat on the board of a professional organization, helped to run a major school fundraising event and offered my PR skills to charitable groups.  I've realized that, while most people who volunteer do so willingly, others are dragged or tricked into it with assurances that they will "only have to spend a few hours".  There is a subtle etiquette required for the process to run smoothly and to ensure that people return to help again.  Here are my tips for keeping the process civil.

Tips for Volunteers

Do it willingly - Although it's hard to say "no" sometimes, there's really no point in agreeing to volunteer for something if you will regret it.  Before you commit, make sure that you have the time to follow through and be clear about the tasks you are taking on. It's better to be honest now than to be resentful later.


Honour your commitment -A volunteer role is not a suggestion.  It's a commitment that you have agreed to honour.  While genuine emergencies might force you to bail on your promise, it's not acceptable to flake out of volunteer work just because you got busy in other parts of your life.  People are counting on you and dropping out causes a lot of extra work for organizers and other volunteers.

Take it seriously - You're not getting paid but that doesn't mean it's not important - to you, to the organization and to the people who benefit from your efforts.  While you will not (and should not) be held accountable for the success of the whole venture, you should give it your best and do everything you can to make a first-class contribution.  Show up on time, meet deadlines and be prepared to report on your progress at status meetings.

Remember why you're there - We all expect to be thanked for our efforts.  But when you volunteer, it should be because you believe in the cause and want to make a difference.  In many cases, the people who are supervising you are volunteers themselves and don't have time to constantly check in on you and show their gratitude.

Be a friend - For many people, volunteering is a way to meet new people and to become part of a community.  Although it's tempting to chat and gossip with the people you already know at meetings or events, make an effort to reach out to new volunteers and introduce them to others. If they feel welcome, they'll come back.

Tips for Volunteer Managers

Be professional - Have proper role descriptions, including expected time commitment for each volunteer role you have available.  The more clarity volunteers have at the beginning, the better the experience for everyone.  Make sure all volunteers understand the expectations and deadlines involved in their project, give them the tools they need for success and keep them up to date on any changes in the plan.

Listen - When volunteers are up-front about what they can and cannot do, listen to them.  Don't agree with them in the hopes that they will change their mind.  If a volunteer comes up with a great idea, don't automatically assign it to them to execute.  That just makes people reluctant to ever suggest ideas. And if past, current, or potential volunteers say "no" to a request for help, don't pester them. They'll be more likely to come back when they have more time if the relationship is pleasant.

Say thank you - If coordinating volunteers is part of your paid job, it's your role to acknowledge and thank volunteers personally and publicly.  On the other hand, if you are also a volunteer in the project, remember to say "thank you" whenever possible and listen to concerns, but you shouldn't be judged if you're not "grateful enough".


Play to their strengths - Everyone has different skills and the project will be more successful if volunteers aren't forced into roles outside of their comfort zones.  Some people are born salespersons and others are great at organizing lists.  One might relish the idea of serving as the official spokesperson while another breaks into a sweat at the thought of public speaking.  Let them do what they're good at and they'll shine.

Learn how to chair a meeting - Grievances abound in volunteer work and status meetings can quickly turn into a bitch-fest if you don't stay focused.  Give everyone a set amount of floor time to share updates and table concerns and then move on to the next person.  Schedule off-line discussions to deal with major issues.

Charities - Show Some Gratitude

"It's better to give than to receive" is one of the many lessons my parents drilled into my siblings and me in an attempt to raise kids who would turn out to be good citizens.  To my seven-year-old self, the words rang a bit hollow. In my limited experience, getting something was much more fun than giving something and anyway, I wondered, "Why does it have to be one or the other?  Can't they both be equally virtuous?"

As an adult now, I understand the sentiment and I have experienced the thrill of giving to someone whether it's a gift, financial assistance or volunteer time.  And as a parent, I'm doing my best to help my children realize how fortunate they are to live in a great country with loving parents who are able to provide for them and nurture them.

With that goal in mind that, last December, I asked them to take $20 from their piggy bank and purchase a toy for less fortunate kids.  Neither was thrilled with this request but they approached it differently.  One of them reluctantly agreed, knowing that resistance was futile but the other pushed against the notion, railing about the various injustices his father and I have perpetrated against him and how 'it's just not fair'.  This was disappointing but not discouraging.  At their ages, it's not important that they "get it", it's just important that they "do it".  They will figure out why later.

After a quick trip to Toys R US, we took the subway downtown, making a day of it by taking in the decorations at Nathan Phillips Square and the windows at The Bay, before our final stop at the CHUM/City TV building, where we would drop off our gifts to the Christmas Wish program.

We walked into the building and came face to face with a mountain of toys so high it almost hit the ceiling.  No one was there to greet us so we lingered in the hallway for a few minutes, the boys clutching their bags and looking enviously at the toy mountain.  Finally, a security guard came up and sat down at a desk.  When it became obvious he wasn't going to talk to us, I told him we were there to donate something to their Christmas toy drive.  Without looking up, he gestured to the toy mountain and told us we could just add our stuff to the pile and went back to his paperwork.

While I didn't expect anyone to do cartwheels over our generosity, I had anticipated that a heartfelt 'thank you' to the boys would be the final step in my afternoon of teaching.  Instead, they left feeling a bit sad and full of misplaced jealousy that some other lucky kids were going to get all those amazing toys.  Totally deflated, I didn't even bother explaining that they needed to be distributed between thousands of children.

I have no idea of this was a case of bad timing and I have every reason to believe this is an organization and a program that is truly committed to helping.  We will donate again this year and I'll continue to emphasize the importance of giving with no conditions.  That said, charities must accept that they need to meet donors halfway, acknowledge them, thank them and in cases like this, understand that they are playing a role in the development of future donors.

Captive at the Cash Register

"Would you like to donate a dollar to our Love of Giving fund?" On a recent shopping expedition, I was asked this question (or some variation thereof) at four stores in succession and I thought it warranted a blog post on the etiquette of asking for money.

We've all been there. You've schlepped around a busy store, found what you wanted, hauled your purchases to the checkout line, finally made it to the front, and, just when you're about to pay, the cashier asks if you would like to donate a dollar (or amount of your choice) to either their own proprietary charity or another more established one with which they have struck up a partnership. Successfully put on the spot, you have the following options:

1. Say yes willingly and genuinely feel good about it

2. Say yes begrudgingly because you will feel like a schmuck if you don't

3. Say no, feel like above-noted schmuck and avoid judgy stares of fellow store patrons

4. Say no and launch into a rant about how you're sick of "everyone asking for money all the time"

5. Ask for more information which will satisfy your own curiosity or requirements for charitable donations but also result in putting the cashier on the spot and annoying people in the line behind you who just want to pay and get out of the store

You can probably tell by the tone of my multiple choice list that I'm not a huge fan of the "captive at the cash register
request for money" approach to philanthropy and it seems to
me that it's strategically flawed anyway - who wants to be asked
for additional funds at the exact same place where they see the
effect that the HST has on their wallet?

Let me make it clear that I don't blame the store employees in any way. I know they are doing their job and I'm sure they have been directed to ask for donations from every shopper, regardless of how busy they are, how grumpy the person is or how many others are standing in line. It also feel seems that they're not furnished with the information they need to answer questions from would-be donors. When I encountered a request for donations at four stores in succession one day a couple of weeks ago, I decided to ask some questions of clarification before making a decision. I won't name the stores but lets say that they include a national drug store chain with lots of shoppers, a department store with a storied Canadian history, a toy store with a penchant for mis-spelling its name and a provincial chain store with somewhat of a stranglehold on liquor sales. At each store, I asked the cashiers two questions - does the company match the consumer donations and does the company use consumer donations to get a tax write-off?

Only one employee was able to confirm that the company matched the donations but since it's effectively a crown corporation I wonder if they aren't matching the donation with my money anyway. The other three cashiers offered only sighs or blank stares or suggested I call head office. No one was able to answer the tax write-off question but one of the employees said, and I quote, "I don't know but if it's true, I'm going to start my own charity so I can get a write-off". Just the kind of person you want on your frontline. I should add that in all four stores, the livid stares of shoppers standing behind me in line were boring into the back of my skull with a burning intensity as I held up the process with my questions.

Proponents of the cash register donation say that consumers like it because it's fast, simple and they have some "power" over where their dollar is going. Besides, if you're not interested, you simply have to say "no" and you won't be asked again. I have found this to be true. But an unofficial survey of my friends, family members and neighbours revealed that, for the most part, people are experiencing charitable fatigue and find this approach tantamount to harassment.

What do you think? Is the cash register donation request harmless, crafty, strategic, annoying? I'd love to hear from anyone who works in the charitable sector.