Tipping wait staff - obligation or nicety?

They seem happy.  I wonder how much they'll leave me...


There has been a lot of discussion in Toronto media lately about whether the standard restaurant tip should go up to the Manhattan standard of 20 per cent from the current standard 15 per cent so I thought I'd sort out some of the misinformation that's out there from an etiquette point of view.  


Before I begin, let me say that I worked as a waitress in a very busy restaurant for about a year so I am well aware of the rigours of the job - the hours on your feet, the demanding customers, the heavy trays, a pace that is often so frantic, you don't even have time to eat.  Despite this, I considered it to be a great job at the time because the tips I earned offset the hourly minimum wage I was receiving. I was also fitter than any other time in my life, but I digress.


The point is, I considered myself very lucky to be in a job that involved tips because I had many friends who were also working in minimum wage jobs in retail and clerical environments who didn't receive any tips at all.  That said, I knew that the size of the tip, if one was given, depended on the diner.  For the most part, the harder I hustled, the higher my tips but there were no guarantees. Sometimes I provided amazing service and got nothing.  That's life.  Now that I've been in the workforce for two decades I believe that every job is hard, every job has challenges and every job has aspects of it that make you feel unappreciated and disrespected.  No single profession or industry has a monopoly on hard work. 


A little about the history of this practice.  Tipping started in the taverns of 17th century England when thirsty patrons would slip bartenders a bit of extra money "to ensure promptitude" (the origin of the word, T.I.P).  It migrated to North America in the 1800s and, while it had a bit of a bumpy start, it is now widespread and even expected here. 


The practice of tipping varies among cultures.  In some countries, it is not expected at all and in others it makes up the bulk of the server's pay.  In some U.S. states, restaurant owners are allowed to pay wait staff less than minimum wage so that patrons can "make up" the remainder of their salary through tips which seems unethical.  Here in Canada, restaurant servers have to receive at least minimum wage and many of them rely upon tips to pad their take-home pay.  Culturally, refusing to leave a tip or leaving an amount considered less than appropriate, is often seen as cheap or insensitive and will often bring on the wrath of your dining companions. 


The standard tip in Toronto is about 15 per cent of the pre-tax bill although I have certainly been in situations where I've rounded it up to 20 per cent for ease of calculation or to recognize outstanding service.  Although using percentages is simple, it bases the tip on the size of the bill, rather than the quality of the service which is not necessarily the fairest approach.  A family with kids could easily use up a lot more of a waiter's time on a $50 dinner than a couple might use on a $100 dinner.  


Although tipping is commonplace in Toronto, it's important to remember that it shouldn't feel like an obligation and the amount itself is technically also at the patron's discretion, although most will abide by the standard.  Some restaurants get around this by automatically adding a tip (gratuity) to tables of eight or more.  Although I've never complained, this doesn't sit quite right with me as it turns the tip into a non-negotiable transaction rather than a gift for a job well done.  According to a recent Toronto Star article, a growing number of restaurants in Toronto have reprogrammed their debit and credit machines to prompt patrons to include a 20 per cent tip.  According to owners, many guests have welcomed the change but there is a presumptuous air about it which doesn't account for the fact that the tip is technically optional and the amount should be based on the quality of the service.  


As when I was working as a waitress, there are still many people today making minimum wage in jobs which don't provide any tips.  Most of the time, these jobs are no less grueling or demanding.  There is just no cultural expectation built up around how they are rewarded.


Over 20 years of dining out, I have had outstanding service and I have had crappy service.  I have waited for 15 minutes to even be acknowledged and I have been plagued by over-zealous  staff who are at the table every two minutes. I have had friendly, service-oriented waiters who genuinely want to enhance my experience and sullen, bored ones who seemed like they couldn't wait to get home.  Even after my worst experiences, I have never had the nerve to leave nothing.  In the end, guilt or the opinion of my tablemates gets to me and I begrudgingly give something.  On the flip side, I have occasionally provided 25 per cent tips when the service warranted it.  This is as it should be.


I'd love to hear your opinions on this, where you stand, how you approach tipping.  And, while I did my research before writing this and based it on my own experience, if I'm missing a big piece of the information pie or some important context, please enlighten me.

Occupy Can Learn from the Volunteers Who Cleaned Up Their Mess

Photo: BlogTO

I have the same reservations with organized protest movements that I have with organized religion.  While each has a noble agenda and many good people trying to do good things, they are too often plagued by hypocrisy and infiltrated by rogues who do more harm than good..  When I say this to followers, their response is that this shouldn't be a deterrent to joining.  So what if some Christian leaders have complete disregard for the teachings of Jesus?  So what if the supposedly anti-capitalist Occupy protesters are drinking Starbucks and wearing Timberlands?  "You have to take the good with the bad," they claim. "If we only support movements comprising honest, decent people with integrity, nothing will ever get done."

I suppose there is some validity in that. The civil rights movement and the Arab Spring probably included some of those annoying professional protesters who were just there for the action and didn't help to advance the agendas but the movements as a whole still had tremendous impact and affected real change.  But, even when I strongly believe in a cause, I just don't feel comfortable standing side-by-side with people who I know are not really committed and what's more, are actually making life worse for those they claim to support.  Instead of spending my Saturday hanging out in a soggy downtown park, I'd rather be at home teaching my kids the values of equality.  It seems like it has more of an impact to impart these lessons to a generation of future leaders.  Maybe the 1 % never heard that from their parents and that's how they ended up destroying the pensions of millions of people while they laughed all the way to the bank.

While I agreed in principle with many of the Occupy movement's positions, I had to do my own exhaustive research to find out what they were and felt it did a poor job of articulating them or rallying support, especially here in Toronto.  It also irritated me that some of them seemed to be operating on the principle that anyone who didn't join them was automatically against them. This is not the case.  In fact, most people I spoke to were sympathetic to their cause or at least understood the basis of it.  But for many reasons, none of which they should be forced to justify, they didn't go downtown and participate.

Rather than shaming the denizens of Bay Street who were safely ensconced a few blocks west, the Occupy Toronto movement took over St. James park and mostly annoyed citizens who live and work near the area, playing bongos at all hours of the night and day and making it hard, if not impossible for nearby families to enjoy the park.  As the protesters seemed to have a lot of free time, many Torontonians wondered if their free time wouldn't have been better spent volunteering in a soup kitchen or helping the homeless.  When they were finally evicted after 40 days, they left worn tents, clothing, books, signs and bikes mired in 9,000 square metres of mud.  What was once a park was now a quagmire.  The city pegged the cost to clean up and re-sod the park and fix the gazebo at $150,000.  To offset the cost to taxpayers (most of whom are among the 99 % the protesters were supposedly helping), the mayor asked for donations of time and cash to help.

Enter Canadian landscape professionals.  In response to the mayor's request, an army of volunteer landscapers converged upon the park to ensure that local families will have grass to enjoy in the spring.  Led by Kyle Tobin, founder at LawnSavers Plant Health Care Inc. they acted quickly to harvest 10,000 rolls of sod, truck it to the park on 12 flatbed trucks and work with volunteers to lay 250 cubic yards of soil as a foundation for the sod.  Tobin donated the sod (about $30,000 worth), EarthCo donated $10,000 worth of soil and 200 volunteers donated their time to lay it properly.

So hundreds of Occupy protesters messed up the park in the name of equality and hundreds of volunteers fixed it in the name of just doing what needed to be done.  I'm not suggesting that the protesters intended to destroy the grass but it is the natural consequence of camping out anywhere 24-7 and one of the reasons I would not feel comfortable participating in such a thing.  The clean-up volunteers, many of whom probably don't live in the surrounding neighbourhood, were motivated by nothing other than the desire to see more green space and for families to have a park to go to when the snow disappears. And you can bet that the vast majority of the volunteers, if not all, are members of the 99 %, not the 1 %.  The semantics are not important to them. They saw a need and they responded without rhetoric, grandstanding or fanfare.  The Occupy protesters could learn a thing or two about actually helping people from them.

Napping employee has me rethinking my thoughts about privacy

If you read this blog regularly (thank you), you know I am a big believer in privacy and generally not a fan of the many ways in which technology has infiltrated our public and private lives. I have also said that I am immensly thankful that cell phones, Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, etc. were not around when I was a misbehaving teen and a reckless 20-something. Some of my more impulsive antics would have provided great fodder for today's online rubberneckers and I (and everyone else of my generation) really dodged a bullet there.


My general position is that, just because you have the ability to snap a photo of someone and send it around the world, doesn't mean that it's appropriate. But, something happened here in Toronto recently that has me rethinking my views on our right to privacy. If you live here, you already know that yesterday, commuters on our subway system witnessed, photographed and shared a photo of a fare collector in full slumber (reclining, eyes closed, mouth open) as he was "working". As I write this, the photo has gone viral and news is spreading around the world.


The Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) is investigating the situation and my normal response would be to echo their request that we not "jump to conclusions" but this time I'm going to break my own rules and declare this unacceptable. This is not the place to rant about my belief that unions breed complacency but, as an entrepreneur who has steered my company through the worst recession in my lifetime with zero government help or support, during which time I had to bear the injustice of a garbage workers' strike based on ridiculous, outdated demands, I have had enough!


The taxpayers of this city have put up with too much for too long and, all things considered, have been very loyal, gracious and patient with the TTC in the face of ongoing fare hikes with no improvement in service. From an etiquette point of view, I have to say that I have always been disappointed with the level of service of TTC fare collectors. Even though I always greet them pleasantly, most never even raise their heads when I try to buy a ticket and many manage to conduct the entire transaction without lifting their eyes from their newspaper. I walk away feeling thoroughly invisible.


As a result, this group has failed to build any goodwill with me and I have difficulty digging deep to find any compassion for this particular employee. So, this time around I'm going to go against my instincts and, I say to those who would share this photo virally, post away! Maybe it will finally shake things up.

Cyclists, don't hate me because I drive

To the young woman in the pink helmet on Sunday night:

First of all, I want to apologize. I was in the wrong. I slowed down to make a right turn and forgot to look both ways. You were coming along on your bike and, though you were still quite far away from me, you yelled loudly to make sure I knew you were there. I heard you and I don't know if you noticed but I tried to placate you with a guilty smile. I'm assuming by the look of disgust on your face and the way you shook your head at me that it didn't work. I know what you were thinking - that I'm just another environmental-hating, self-important motorist who doesn't want to share the road. We were the only two people on that stretch of the road so I bore the full brunt of what I assume is your accumulated anger at motorists who don't see you.

On this particular evening, I was on my way to a client event. Not wanting to be away from my kids on a Sunday, I left home a little later than I should have and I was beginning to worry about being late. I was in a somewhat deserted part of town that I'm not familiar with and I was trying to navigate a series of one-way streets and when you saw me, I was a bit confused from having taken a wrong turn. It's no excuse of course for not seeing you but I offer it by way of explanation.

But, while I slipped up this time, I want you to know I'm a very careful driver. I respect the fact that I share the road with other motorists, cyclists and pedestrians, all of whom are trying to get somewhere in a hurry. I always try to give cyclists a very wide berth and I often slow down or stop to let them pass. I'm constantly checking my sideview mirrors to see if one of you is approaching and if you are, I'll often just wait for you to pass because I can't judge how fast you're going. I really do try to share the road in a respectful way but sometimes I veer a little too far over to the right (perhaps I'm being squeezed by a motorist to my left) and you let me know by hurling profanities, shaking your fist at me or slamming it on the side of the car. I don't even get mad when you come out of nowhere, plough through red lights or weave in front of me, inches away from my engine because you don't want to sit in the traffic jam we're all experiencing.

Using a downtown Toronto road is a daily feat of skill, finesse and courage. There's so much to focus on at once - traffic jams, construction, street cars, parked cars, taxis stopping to pick up or let off passengers, doors opening and closing without warning, honking horns, police cars, ambulances and fire trucks, people crossing on yellow or red lights, pedestrians who are too busy texting to watch for oncoming traffic, not to mention an ever-changing and ever-increasing series of one-way streets, no left turns and lanes that are northbound one day and southbound the next.

I was just wondering if maybe, given everything we all have to deal with, we could approach it in a less hostile manner. Just asking.

An Etiquette Lesson for Organized Labour

A while ago I blogged here about recession etiquette, the main point of which was the need for those who had fared well during the economic downturn to be more aware of the feelings of those who have fallen victim to these times. I know that everyone has felt the pinch in some way or another but let's face it, losing your job is infinitely more stressful than realizing that your house has decreased in value, especially if you weren't planning to sell anyway.

Here in Toronto, we have just experienced a 35-day strike by 30,000 municipal employees which resulted in the complete shut-down of everything from garbage pick-up to city-operated daycares and daycamps. Among other things, the striking workers, many of whom enjoy 18 sick days per year, challenged the city's decision to eliminate a contract provision which enabled them to bank unused sick time to be paid when they left or retired.

In my career, I have belonged to a public sector union. It was mandatory when I was an employee with the Government of Ontario. In the end, it just wasn't for me. I chafed against the notion of paying someone to speak on my behalf and I was surrounded by too many colleagues who had become complacent in their approach to work in the knowledge that the union would "protect" them. I left for more meritorious pastures. On the other hand, I am a beneficiary of organized labour. My husband belongs to a union, a very respectable one, whose leadership seems to focus on relevant issues like making the workplace more family-friendly.
As the manufacturing heart of Canada, Ontario has been hit especially hard by the recession. In the private sector, those who have not already lost their jobs, are facing paycuts, shortened workweeks, the removal of benefits and reduced opportunity for advancement. Those of us who own our own businesses, have had to deal with cancelled orders, slashed budgets and chasing down payments, all while we continue to employ people and inject money into the struggling economy. While none of us is pleased with this turn of events, we are bound together by a realization that life, as we know it, has changed and will never be the same again. Things that we relied upon, including signed contracts, are subject to change. Most importantly, agreements that were made two years ago are being revisited due to pressures beyond everyone's control. At the end of the day, we're happy to be taking home a paycheque.
It is for that reason that I think it was so difficult for Torontonians to get behind the striking workers, all of whom are well compensated and enjoy generous benefits already. In fact, one wonders if government employees even need the protection of organized labour. The thousands of unemployed would gladly have taken the city workers's jobs, even with a pay cut and citizens were at a loss to understand how the union leaders could suggest that provisions that were negotiated during an economic boom, should somehow be guaranteed through a downturn, and beyond. Private sector workers who have accepted paycuts in lieu of losing their jobs certainly didn't have that kind of expectation. And if they did, there was nowhere for them to air their grievances.


Emily Post charaterized etiquette as a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. This certainly wasn't in evidence during the strike as Torontonians had to haul their own garbage to temporary dumps and then deal with irate union members when they arrived. Parents who had booked and paid for summer programs for their children had to scramble to find alternative arrangements. And sadly, the language, on both sides of the argument was deplorable. In a Toronto Star article entitled, Is Mark Ferguson the most hated man in Toronto, the embattled union leader tells of e-mails he has received saying thinks like, "I hate you with all my heart" and "you are a terrorist". Certainly not an appropriate way of dealing with anger. His retort, that "you might redirect your anger towards the banks, financiers and Wall Street rather than cannibalizing gains made by other working people" is equally inappropriate when those "other working people" are paid by taxpayers.


So, the strike is over and in the next couple of days, we'll find out just how much our Mayor gave on our behalf. While I'm relieved that the thousands of tonnes of garbage currently stockpiled in our city parks will be removed, I wonder if we will still be "putting up with garbage" for years to come.

I look forward to your polite responses.