Do you need to go on an information diet?

Do you use your smart phone as an alarm clock and then immediately start checking e-mails?

If so, you might want to think about embarking on an information diet. Clay Johnson, the man behind Barack Obama’s social media strategy, shared highlights from his book, The Information Diet, at this year’s MESH conference

According to Johnson, when we search on the Internet, we are often looking for validation of our existing opinions rather than information that will help us become informed. We already have our biases and so if we want the details of a specific news story, we tend to search the websites of the media outlets which most conform to our own point of view, whether that’s TMZ, Fox News or the Toronto Star. If we are annoyed with our spouse, worried about our kids or concerned about our appearance, we search for others who are experiencing the same things and who react the same way, rather than seeking out different opinions.

Johnson believes many North Americans are over-consuming useless information because it’s readily available. To prove his point, he asked the audience to name Kim Kardashian’s ex-husband. Many people yelled out the answer. He then asked if anyone knew the child poverty rate in Toronto and the room went silent.

In his book, The Information Diet, Johnson recommends we take the following steps to trim our information waistline:

1. Become a conscious consumer of information – Every time you visit a website, ask yourself if it’s vital to what you are trying to achieve in life. Rather than mindlessly consuming information all day, schedule time for different types of Internet use.

2. Seek whole news – Johnson says the life cycle of an event starts as actual truth, becomes reworded truth, turns into processed truth, is reported in the media and ends up on TV, where it’s furthest from the truth. While it’s not always possible to find out the truth, get information from multiple news sources and points of view.

3. Be a producer more than a consumer – If you check emails and news sites before breakfast, you’re starting your day as a consumer of other people’s thoughts and opinions. Try to start your day as a producer of your own content, through your blog, Twitter stream or website. Johnson recommends writing 500 words before 8 a.m.

4. Subtract junk from your daily intake – Remember that your clicks have consequences and, because the Internet stores information about you, your reading patterns affect everyone in your demographic. Remember that the next time you stop by Perez Hilton.

5. Content is not a commodity – Until we are comfortable with the concept of paying for filtered, fact-checked, responsible content, we will continue to be spoon-fed a steady diet of misinformation.

6,000 people have already taken the pledge to go on an information diet. To learn more, visitwww.informationdiet.com

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If you're going to give someone the finger, make sure it's for a good reason

(AP Photo/NBC)

This is the perfect place for me to express my discontent with the world...

This morning I was crossing a busy street shortly after rush hour. Although I had the right of way, my presence on the road was holding up several motorists eager to make a left turn before the light changed. The driver of the first car in the queue was so impatient that she executed the turn as far as she could go without actually running me over and when I finally cleared her car, I swear I felt her bumper brush the bottom of my coat as she sped away. I immediately felt a tingling sensation in my right hand and I recognized it right away. I wanted to give her the finger. My body was telling me to do something that my mind knows is obscene, especially for someone who cares about etiquette. But I understood the impulse. In situations where you don't get a chance to voice your discontent to an anonymous jerk, it is a handy solution. By simply raising our hand and extending the middle finger, we are saying, "I see what you're doing and I can't stop you but I'm here to tell you that I am a human being. I deserve to be treated with some respect and I'm not going to tolerate your actions."  

So, is that what British rapper M.I.A was thinking when she decided to use a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to perform live at the Superbowl to give the audience the finger while proclaiming, "I don't give a shit"?  Probably not.  Like Janet Jackson's notorious 2004 wardrobe malfunction, the incident has been grossly blown out of proportion by U.S. media. Superbowl broadcaster NBC has apologized to viewers for its lateness in obscuring the gesture and in a statement, NFL spokesperson Brian McCarthy said, "The obscene gesture in the performance was completely inappropriate, very disappointing, and we apologize to our fans." I think what gets our southern neighbours so riled up in these situations is not so much the gesture itself but the perceived insult to football, a sacred part of American life whose importance borders on religion for many fans.

Do I think that a musician known for controversial behaviour giving a billion viewers the finger is shocking? Not really. M.I.A. is very outspoken about her causes and has been called both a 'refugee icon' and a 'terrorist sympathizer". I am however, annoyed by the forum she chose to make the statement. If you're really that against the world and corporations and everything they represent, is the Superbowl - a highly-commercialized event broad-casted to a billion global viewers - the best place to express it? I assume she received a big paycheque for her few minutes on stage and would have been well aware of what is and isn't considered appropriate and the restrictions placed on artistic 'creativity'.  At one time, most of us have dumbed down campaigns, presented plans that didn't represent our best work and resorted to what's safe rather than what's exciting.  We do it because the people who are paying us want it that way.  Like it or not, when we accept cheques from clients, we need to respect their brand, abide by their notions of what is and isn't appropriate and try not to embarrass them in public.

So, back to my desire to flip the bird to that driver this morning. I truly believe that our society functions better when we're all behaving ourselves but there are so many cases in life when anonymous people disrespect our boundaries, take what isn't ours, treat us like crap and then move on before we have a chance to protest.  So, I'm not going to say on an etiquette blog that it's ever appropriate but I understand the impulse and won't judge you if you fall victim to your baser instincts. Just make sure there are no cameras around.  You don't want your anonymous gesture to come back to haunt you.

Beyonce's Blinged-Out Birthing Experience Annoys "Normal" Moms

The chosen one has arrived...and she's creating quite a stir


People are often surprised when I tell them that the definition of etiquette is "to increase the comfort level of those around you".  They always assume it is much more complicated than this but it makes sense if you think about it.  When people are practicing poor etiquette, either on purpose or inadvertently, they have temporarily forgotten about the people around them.

Inconveniencing others, putting them out, making their life uncomfortable, increasing their frustration - this is the natural result of going through life without thinking about the impact that your actions have on those around you.

Even when we're experiencing the biggest day of our life, whether it's our senior prom, wedding day or the birth of our first child, we still need to remember that we're not alone in the world.  Through choice or circumstance, many others are sharing our orbit.

So, I was sad (but not surprised) to hear of the shenanigans that took place at Brooklyn's Lennox Hill Hospital in the wake of the blessed event that was the birth of Beyonce's first child, Ivy Blue Carter.  There are conflicting reports but the gist of it seems to be that, in an effort to protect their privacy, Beyonce and her husband, Jay-Z (real name Shaun Carter) paid the hospital to construct or retrofit two luxury birthing suites so they were more reflective of a high-end spa and not a healthcare environment.  Okay, I can see this I guess. Huge celebrities are not accustomed to rolling like the rest of us (especially here in Ontario where money can't buy a better birthing experience) and they wouldn't want to taint Ivy Blue's view of the world by having her arrive in a run-of-the-mill hospital room.

However, in an effort to protect their privacy (and perhaps to treat the event with the gravitas they felt it deserved), the couple also had a flotilla of secret-service-type security, body guards, massage therapists and other "wellness" specialists who basically took over the whole floor. In the words of a new mother who had the misfortune to give birth at the same time, "no other pregnancy mattered" and apparently, things became so difficult that one couple of premature twins were prevented from seeing their babies and extended family members of other newborns were told that the floor was "on lock-down" when they arrived.  Any new parent will tell you that the process of giving birth is emotional enough without having to deal with another delivery on the floor that is deemed much, much more important than your own.

While I appreciate that the rich and famous may have a greater need to protect their privacy than the average citizen, let's not forget that Beyonce chose to announce her pregnancy at a very public event (the VMAs), drawing attention to herself and effectively eclipsing all other news from the event.  But, if your desire (fact or fiction) for privacy is so strong and you have unlimited financial resources, wouldn't it be better just to have the baby at home?  I'm sure that they could have arranged for all of the necessary medical personnel and equipment to ensure a safe and smooth delivery.

A spokesperson for the hospital claims that the hospital tried to minimize the disruption to their other parents and denied that there were any problems but the stories of mistreatment continue to come out.

It doesn't matter who you are.  When you make decisions, you need to take into account how they will affect others.

Whatever happened to good old-fashioned shame?

I'm so embarrassed...

About fifteen years ago I had a job that was very important in terms of my career development.  I wasn't 100 per cent qualified according to the job description but my boss saw some hidden potential in me and took a chance on my future success.  He turned out to be a great leader and I have a tremendous amount of respect for this person and for his commitment to the role, which he still holds today.  I desperately wanted to impress him and to prove that hiring me was the right decision. But I wasn't perfect, and like everyone else, I screwed up from time to time.  When this happened, and especially if it was due to negligence, laziness or carelessness on my part, I was mortified, apologized for my role in the mix-up and asked what I could do to fix things.  Later, in the privacy of my own home, I would watch TV in bed, eat most of a medium pizza, down a bottle of wine and go to sleep feeling miserable. This was how I coped with the shame of letting down not only my boss but also myself. The next day I would clean myself up, dust myself off and start all over again, vowing never again to make the same mistake and keeping a somewhat low profile until I had "proven" myself again.  In this case, shame was a case of short-term pain, long-term gain.  It was a powerful motivator to be more aware, try harder and do better.

This kind of shame is not something I consciously set out to experience.  Thanks to a combination of innate personality and strict upbringing, I'm somewhat hardwired to feel shame when I screw up and even now, when I forget to bring the dessert to a family potluck or my kids tell their dentist that they don't floss regularly, I feel the heat of shame and embarrassment rise from my neck to my forehead.

Imagine my surprise then in my first management role when I learned that some people are not ashamed when they screw up and worse still, most are not even embarrassed.  One of the toughest things for a manager is the realization that what motivated you to succeed is not necessarily the same thing that will motivate one of your employees and in fact, you need to learn what motivates each person in order to properly lead them.  For some it's public recognition, for others its money or a new title and there are some people who will only work hard in exchange for something tangible like the privilege of working from home.  I can accept this but up until then, I had been labouring under the misconception that the concept of shame was universal and could always be relied upon to help people improve.

Not so. But the concept of screwing up is universal and no one is immune to it.  It's human and in the fast-paced environment of a PR agency, it's probably inevitable.  So, the first time I called someone on the carpet for a screw-up caused by their failure to properly proofread, double-check details or use sound judgement, I expected that they would be appropriately shamed, would deal with it in whatever way worked for them (not everyone has to eat an entire pizza after all) and come back the next day with a renewed passion for excellence.  But the person just smiled, shrugged her shoulders and said, "These things happen".  I was so ill-equipped for this response that I reacted with stunned silence followed by yelling, which was not my intention at all.  While some of the people I've worked with have shared my proclivity for actually being embarrassed by their gaffes, it seems that nowadays, most don't, or if they do, they don't show it in any discernible way.

Shame has fallen out of fashion in the past few decades.  A major tool in the disciplinary arsenal of my parents' generation, it has been cast aside for more modern, humane methods like talking it out, boosting self-esteem and putting the blame elsewhere. There was some method to this madness.  A couple of decades of psychoanalysis revealed that carrying around shameful reminders of childhood transgressions was having a serious impact on many adults' ability to live a fulfilling, guilt-free life.   John Bradshaw, author of the New York Times bestselling book, Healing the Shame that Binds You, explains that there are two kinds of shame - healthy shame and toxic shame.  Healthy shame is what helps us get along with other people, prevents us from going through life as a total narcissist and, used properly, can be a force for positive growth. We need a little of this in our lives.

Toxic shame, on the other hand is often guilt-based and makes us feel bad about how we look or feel, where we were born, how we were raised, our religion, or our sexuality. When the baby boomers ushered in the self-esteem movement, they were right to try to rid society of toxic shame.  Whether it's imposed by others or self-imposed, it has no useful function and indeed, paralyzes many sufferers well into adulthood. The problem is, in attempting to rid ourselves of the pain of toxic shame, we threw the baby out with the bathwater and ditched healthy shame at the same time.  The pendulum has swung too far and we're now living in an age of self-revelation where doing anything in public is acceptable.  Rather than take accountability for their actions, criminals blame their childhood, their stress level, the economy, Wall Street.  Fame-hungry reality stars compete in lewd and degrading competitions desperate to extend their 15 minutes of infamy.  Teenagers videotape themselves or others behaving badly and then share it on Facebook for all to see.

I think it's time to embrace a return to healthy shame for the good of society.  Just imagine, in a world where people are shamed for their embarrassing behaviour, there would be no Keeping Up With the Kardashians, no Wall Street banking tycoons still holding jobs, no people having loud inane cell phone conversations in public and no politicians emailing photos of their genitalia to interns.  This is something I can get behind.

How to Stay Polite in 140 Characters or Less

A recent celebrity case of TWI (tweeting while idiotic) got me thinking that it's time to dust off my Twitter etiquette tips. Ashton Kutcher, a "prolific" user of social media with 8 million Twitter followers experienced an epic fail when he tweeted his anger at the firing of Penn State University coach Joe Paterno.  Problem is, Ashton dashed off his tweet without having any of the background information (the coach was fired for his role in a child sexual abuse scandal at the university).  Compounding his screw-up is the fact that Ashton and his wife run a charity with a mission of ending sexual slavery among children.  Ouch!

Luckily, most of us ordinary folks are smarter, more responsible and less subject to public scrutiny than Mr. Kutcher and his ilk.  But that doesn't mean we shouldn't practice good Twitter etiquette.  So here are my guidelines to help you prevent your own mini Twitter fails:

1. Post only when you have something to say - and by that I mean something meaningful. Whether it's your take on a major news story or a retweet (RT) of someone else's insights, unless it adds to the conversation, leave it out.  I used to follow someone who regularly tweeted "hi world, I'm up" in the morning and "going to bed now" at night.  I try to tweet every day but there are days when I really don't have anything to add and so I stay silent until I do.

2. Don't over-promote yourself - Twitter can be a great and subtle way to announce that you finally got your book published, share your latest blog post or express your excitement about your promotion. But constantly selling yourself and your services is a huge turn-off guaranteed to get you unfollowed.  Chris Brogan suggests you follow a 12:1 ratio - for every 12 promotions of someone else, you can promote yourself once.

3. Please stop the auto-DMs - For me, nothing is more annoying than following someone (usually someone who followed me first) and immediately receiving a direct message telling me that if I like them on Twitter, I'll love them on Facebook or that they can get me 100,000 followers in a week.  Every social media expert on the planet advises against these things and yet people keep using them. They are the telemarketers of the social media world.

4. Value quality over quantity - I've been on Twitter for about two-and-a-half years and in that time, I have accumulated about 1100 followers and I'm following the same amount.  This might seem paltry in comparison to many who have been in the game for the same amount of time or a shorter time but it's fine with me.  Even though I have "Toronto" embedded in my Twitter handle (@TorontoLouise), it's not unusual for me to be followed by real estate agents in Phoenix or event listings in Dublin.  There's no point for us to be connected.  Gathering followers should be a positive side effect of your Twitter activity, not an end unto itself.  Besides, many of the people with the most followers have the least to say (e.g. Kim Kardashian)

5. Mix up your content - If you want to be interesting on Twitter, tweet a blend of content.  Mix up your own observations with RTs of others' tweets, some links to interesting blog posts or news stories, the occasional picture, and just a smidge of self-promotion.

6. Be careful with scheduled tweets - Some Twitter apps like Tweetdeck allow you to schedule tweets throughout the day.  If you know you'll be away from your computer all day but you've come across an interesting article at 6 a.m., you can schedule a tweet to go "live" at 10 a.m., when you know your followers are at their desks.  This is an easy way to keep your voice heard even when you're not there but watch out for breaking news.  A scheduled tweet about how cute your cat is will look pretty ridiculous if it comes out 30 minutes after an earthquake has struck your town.

7. Don't RT compliments - In real life, if someone tells you that you're fabulous, do you go around repeating it to everyone? Why would you do it on Twitter?  It's a wonderful feeling when someone takes the time to praise you to all their Twitter followers.  In my view, immediately retweeting that praise with no context is too self-serving.  A simple thank you will suffice.

8. Don't make personal stuff public - Chances are you have have some friends on Twitter and occasionally, it might seem like a good idea to use the medium to make plans or discuss something private.  This is okay once in a while but for the rest of your followers, it can look like they're stumbled into a whispered discussion.  Use the DM feature to keep it private, or better yet, use another method of conversation like e-mail or even the telephone.

9. Create a profile - It takes just a few minutes to upload a photo and write two sentences about yourself on Twitter and doing so will increase your credibility.  I never follow anyone without a profile for a couple of reasons - first, I don't know if you are a real person and I don't want to increase my vulnerability to spam by following a robot and second, if you can't even be bothered telling me a little about yourself, I assume you have nothing interesting to say. On a personal note, I think the photo should be you and not your adorable toddler or cute puppy but that's a matter of preference, not etiquette.

10. Think before you tweet - It goes without saying but if you're angry at a certain person or situation, resist the urge to take to Twitter immediately. People have been fired, sued and just plain embarrassed by letting their frustration get the better of them (see intro above).  You can remove the inflammatory tweet later but by that time, others will have retweeted it and linked it to their blogs.  As we all know, nothing is really ever gone from the Internet.

Those are just a few of the Twitter etiquette tips you can follow to make your experience (and those of your followers) more pleasant.  And, I have to say, it's my personal list.  I've heard from some tweeters I trust that some of the things I consider to be faux pas are acceptable in other communities.  What's your take?  What's your biggest Twitter etiquette gaffe?  I'd love to hear from you.

Why You're Luckier Than You Think

Everything I know about life I learned from Warren Buffett. Well, not quite, but they don't call him the sage of Omaha for nothing. One of the things I love about the legendary investor is his acceptance  of the role that luck plays in his life. Despite his undeniable brilliance, proficiency with numbers and unparalleled discipline over many years, he maintains that his success is due to being in the "right place at the right time with the right skills".

Although there's a pervasive mythology that he's entirely self-made, his father was actually a stockbroker who was elected to four terms of the United States Congress. Had Buffett's father been an uneducated coal-miner, would he have risen to the same heights? Perhaps, but he never underestimates the role of good fortune in his life.

Buffett's approach appeals to me not just because it's incredibly gracious but also because it's in such stark contrast to the opinions of many mildly and fabulously successful people who believe they are 100 per cent responsible for everything they have. This phenomenon is not limited to the super-rich. It exists at every strata of society, including that lowest rung on the ladder of success, reality show "stars" who have parlayed being born into privilege into a "career". In fact, it seems to be a particular human failing that, once some people achieve any kind of success, they start to believe their own PR and before long, they're telling everyone how hard they've worked to get where they are. Maybe they have worked hard but that doesn't mean they haven't also been lucky. Luck is everywhere and everyone benefits from it whether they realize it or not.

I have spent many years working with and managing other people, seven of those running my own business. Most of the people who have reported to me over the years have been hard workers and some of them are so talented, adaptable and resourceful that they would excel in any situation. Others did well but part of their success was due to the efforts of managers who set them up for success by playing to their strengths, giving them assignments they could handle, rearranging their office hours to suit their family demands, and so on. And now that I have some perspective on things, I can look back and see the many ways that the stars aligned for me in my career even though at the time I believed it was all down to me.

Canadian author Malcolm Gladwell explores the importance of luck in his book Outliers,claiming that "the biggest misconception about success is that we do it solely on our smarts, ambition, hustle and hard
work". Gladwell delves into the background of several of the world's most successful people, and reveals factors, unrelated to innate talent or hard work, which greatly benefited them. As an example, he states that the majority of high-level Canadian hockey players were born in the first few months of the year. Since youth hockey leagues are organized by calendar years, kids born on January 1st play on the same team as kids born on  December 31st, which means they are often stronger and faster, pegged as promising athletes early in life and more likely to be chosen for advanced teams. He also reveals that, not only did Bill Gates come from a wealthy family, he was also fortunate enough to attend the only middle school in the entire country
with a computer lab. Gladwell doesn't suggest that Gates wouldn't be successful without that early benefit but wonders if he would be worth $50 billion if he didn't have access to a computer at a time when they weren't commonplace.

When speaking of luck, Buffett often talks about the 'genetic jackpot" whereby "the right endowment of vocal chords, anatomical structure, physical strength, or mental powers" can result in massive success or wealth.   And while we're on the topic of anatomical structure, is there anything more annoying than a supermodel who shares insights on how she is personally responsible for her achievements?  If ever there was a profession based on pure dumb luck, it's that of the supermodel.

One such creature, stunner Gisele Bundchen, frequently infuriates ordinary women with her pontifications such as this post-pregnancy quote: "I think a lot of people get pregnant and decide they can turn into garbage disposals. I was mindful about what I ate, and I gained only 30 pounds." She was back to a fabulous, pre-baby figure and strutting on the catwalk just weeks after delivering her son. I'm sure she did eat healthy. I'm sure she exercised and did yoga and all of that stuff but guess what? Millions of women do that and they don't look like her.  Wouldn't it be wonderfully refreshing if someone like her said, "I am extremely fortunate that I have become a millionaire based solely on things that are completely beyond my control and I get to live this life through sheer luck".

Regardless of how hard you have studied or worked in life, luck has played a role in small and large ways. Here are some ordinary ways you might have been lucky:

• You were born and/or raised in Canada. This alone gives you more opportunities than most of the world's population.
• You have ever gotten a job without going through the application process
• You have a parent who used connections to help you get an "in" somewhere
• You have been given a car, home or home down payment as a gift
• You don't have student loans
• You grew up in a large city 
• You showed early proficiency in something (e.g. music, art, sports) and your family had the financial resources to help you explore your talents
• You are more attractive, tall, intelligent, etc. than most people
• You grew up in a household where you were loved, nurtured and encouraged
• You have parents/in-laws who are willing/able to provide free childcare relieving you of a huge financial burden

These are small bits of luck that people in this country experience every day.  They might not seem like a big deal but they have helped give you an edge.  Luck is good. We all have some. Some have more than others and we all go through periods where we seem to have nothing but bad luck.

So next time you're feeling unlucky or congratulating yourself on being totally self-made, think about the role of luck in your life and show a little gratitude.  The more you appreciate your good luck, the more of it you'll have.

Tweeting the not-so-friendly skies

Many of your have heard about director Kevin Smith's ejection from a Southwest Airlines flight. As it happens, I follow Kevin Smith on Twitter and, on Saturday night, during half an hour with nothing to do, I witnessed live, as did many others, Mr. Smith's colourful and vitriolic immediate reaction to this situation. He was obviously enraged and showed no mercy in his expletive-ridden criticism of Southwest Airlines cheered on by his adoring fans/followers.

As an etiquette afficionado, I'm all about customer service and from what I can ascertain, Mr. Smith did not receive the service to which he was entitled. But, while I believe that everyone deserves respect from the organizations with which they deal and I support initiatives which challenge poor treatment of customers, I wonder if immediately taking your frustration viral and saying whatever comes into your head, profanity and all, is the best way of dealing with it.

I always, always follow up on poor service and I strongly urge everyone to do it. As a customer, I feel an obligation to report if a company representative is not living up to an organization's promise and as a business owner, I know how valuable this kind of feedback is to maintaining and nurturuing a positive relationship with my clients.

However, because we live in a society that does not put a premium on human interaction, there are many moments when I have been so insenced by shabby service that my first instinct has been to pull out my Blackberry and start tweeting and, although I'm not a movie director with 1.5 million followers, I do have several hundred followers, most of whom are very engaged in the Twittersphere. In other words, I might be able to do a tiny bit of damage.

But shouldn't we be trying to resolve our issues on a higher level than the ones on which they were created? The service offender in question may have behaved like a cretin but responding in kind just sets off a war of words where the initial issue is forgotten and people take sides withouth having the facts.

So, I usually recommend a complaint hierarchy, if you will, that goes something like this:

Step 1 - Try to resolve the issue with the person who is directly responsible for it
Step 2 - If this doesn't work, think about what you need to resolve the issue (e.g. an apology, a refund) and speak with whoever is in charge of customer service
Step 3 - If you are still not satisfied, go as high in the organization as you can until the situation is resolved to your satisfaction
Step 4 - If you still don't get anywhere, go online for help. Blog about the situation or ask for help on Twitter but be professional and keep it factual.
Step 5 - When the situation is fixed, say thank you

Sadly, this strategy requires patience in the face of mounting anger. Conflicts are usually never resolved with the person who caused them (Step 1) and often, the only time anyone shows any real interest in helping is after Step 4 - when I've asked for it on Twitter. Kevin Smith knows this and Southwest has learned the hard way. But I still think a measured approach is more constructive than everyone just tweeting their rage and naming names.

On a final note, I'll say that the way this situation has spiralled in favour of Kevin Smith is a good reason why a) companies should always treat clients with respect and b) watch some movies guys. He's very recognizable!

A Couple of Things About Avatar

There was never any question that I would go to see Avatar. My husband and I love science fiction and, as fans of James Cameron's work, we followed the progress of his latest offering long before the title moved into the public consciousness. Film snobs we are not. Our life is already jam-packed with gritty realism so, on the rare occasion the stars align to give us a date night, we tend to favour escapism. While I'm happy to be challenged, provoked, or broadened by film, it's not necessary. In fact, sometimes, it's just too much work after I've put in a day at work and then tucked two rambunctious kids into bed. It is not important for me to be on the cutting edge, but it is important that I fill my precious leisure time with things I will truly enjoy.



So we have seen Avatar...twice...and we loved it. We've heard all of the arguments against it - it's all special effects and no story, the dialogue is leaden, the themes are cliche. Some of this criticism is warranted. It's clear that James Cameron has a viewpoint on war and climate change and he often uses a sledgehammer to drive home a point which could be made with a thumbtack. But that is immaterial. Avatar is a beautiful movie and more importantly, it's a movie event, the likes of which we haven't seen for many years.

From an etiquette point of view, Avatar has also renewed my faith in the movie-going public. Although I love going to the movie theatre, I am always dismayed by the lack of respect and manners displayed by my fellow attendees - feet on the back of seats, talking through the movie, constantly leaving the theatre to answer a ringing cell phone or worse still, answering it during the movie, texting with abandon, etc. At both showings of Avatar I attended, people of all ages behaved themselves. They were quiet, they were transfixed, they turned off their electronic devices and they stayed in their seats, not wanting to miss a thing. Whether or not you like Avatar, any movie that can do that has my vote.

While we're on the subject of etiquette, I generally argue against the excessive tooting of one's own horn, believing that if there is anything worth tooting, someone else will do it for you. Much ado has been made of James Cameron's overzealous acceptance speeches with such phrases as, "I'm the king of the world" (for Titanic) and now "I see you" (for Avatar). I get it, but I'm willing to make a teeny exception for James Cameron. Whether or not you enjoy his particular brand of entertainment, the man has a stellar track record, three blockbuster franchises (Terminator, Titanic and Avatar), the current #1 movie for ten weeks with a box office take that is rivaled only by another of his own movies. In his career he has contributed to the creation and perfection of film-making techniques and technologies that many of his peers have used to great effect. And, this is a guy who, over a 20 year time-frame has turned down many opportunities, preferring to retreat after each success, honing his craft and slowly working on his next project, determined to "do it right" even if it means being out of the limelight for years. Very few people in this world deserve to sing their own praises but I think, in his case, he's allowed.

Thoughts?

First Lady's Faux Pas a breath of fresh air

Michelle Obama has done the unthinkable. In her recent meet and greet with Queen Elizabeth, she broke protocol and touched the monarch (a big no-no), not once but twice. Breach #1 happened at the start of their meeting at Buckingham Palace when, after initial introductions, the U.S. first lady gave the Queen a hug. Later, at a "get to know you" drink, they were seen with their arms around each other. According to observers, the Queen seemed awkward but unperturbed by the faux pas.



I haven't met Michelle Obama personally but I would like to know her. She is a smart, engaging woman known for her intellectual prowess as much as her fashion sense. At ease in any situation, she is the very epitome of etiquette, making those around her feel instantly comfortable.

Presumably, the Obamas received a briefing on the dos and don'ts of an audience with the queen but this wouldn't be the first time an American has generated headlines for a royal etiquette blunder. In 2007, then president Bush lasted only 14 minutes into his official meeting with the Queen before accidentally implying that she was 300 years old.

In Steven Frears amazing 2006 film The Queen, the British Monarch (played by the inimitable Helen Mirren) struggles to balance the rules of protocol that define her title with the need to appear more human after the death of Princess Diana. The devastated public needs her to share their emotional pain but she is strangled by centuries of etiquette that requires her to appear stoic and detached in the face of tragedy.

In hugging Michelle Obama, is the Queen suggesting that, after almost 60 years on the throne, it's okay to bend the rules a little? Or is the new first lady so disarming that even the most formal heads of state relax in her presence?

Either way, I think it's a good thing.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

I am the proud mother of two toddlers who run to greet me at the door when I get home from work (amazing). Last night, they were both bursting to tell me different versions of the same story. One was sporting a blood-spattered shirt which he had refused to remove before I got home due to the pivotal role it played as a prop in the telling of the story. The other had a distinctly guilty look on his otherwise cherubic face.
My eldest (he of the bloody shirt) launched into the tale of how earlier in the day, they had an argument over a toy which culminated in his younger brother (holder of the coveted toy) into his brother's nose and causing it to bleed. When he was finished, my youngest, the perpetrator looked at me and said: "Well at least I said sorry".

Raising young children provides ample opportunity to teach the seven words of good manners: please, thank you, excuse me and, I'm sorry. We all have these phrases drummed into us as youngsters but when we grow up and make our way into the business world, some of these words become politicized, with meanings and inuendo attached that were never part of the original intention. In the workplace we often hear: "I don't want to say (insert word) because it could be implied as (insert undesired effect here)"

I came across an example of this in a recent news story. A hospital in Winnipeg is adopting a new approach to dealing with errors that take place in the operating room - apologizing to patients. In the case of a senior citizen who experienced pain after a pair of four-inch forceps were left in her abdominal cavity, the surgeon who performed the procedure apologized and hospital staff followed up with their own apology.

One wonders what our world has come to when it is national news that a person who has been wronged receives an apology from the wrongdoer. But those of us in a corporate setting are all too familiar with the legal landmines of the public apology. Malpractice lawyers and company legal departments caution that an apology is as good as an admission of guilt and can open the floodgates for costly lawsuits and class actions.

The Winnipeg Regional Health Authority's decision to issue apologies comes on the heels of new research revealing that patients are actually less likely to sue if they are provided with full disclosure and an apology when issues come to light. In fact, several Canadian provinces and U.S. states have recently passed apology legislation to ensure that any apology offered to patients cannot be used against the health profession in a legal action.

In the story, John Cowell, chief executive officer of the Health Quality Council of Alberta sums up what etiquette advocates have long known: "When you are open and honest, the chance of being sued drops way off." While most of us won't face lawsuits as a result of our daily mistakes and misjudgements, we can easily minimize the fallout by apologizing - quickly and cleanly.

Two words, "I'm sorry", uttered immediately after an infraction, can stop a firestorm in its tracks. When a mistake has been made and there is no apology or visible attempt to take responsibility, things start to simmer, resentment builds and what could have been solved by a simple apology weeks ago is now a level-four crisis.

No matter what their complaint, people need to be acknowledged and they need to be heard. Often that is enough to diffuse a potential crisis.

Now class, who can remember the seven words of good manners?