An etiquette guide to the virtual introduction

The virtual introduction - that is, the ability to introduce people to each other without everyone having to be in the same physical location - is a fairly recent phenomenon brought on by the invention of email and the growing demand for everyone to build their personal brand through networking.

In the olden days when I started my career, if I wanted to introduce two of my acquaintances, I would need to see them both at a conference or similar business event and the introduction would usually arise from the common courtesy in play when two people are chatting and another comes along who knows one of the people, but not the other.  Outside of this setting, if I felt compelled to put two people together, I would have had to call each of them on a land line and, once I received confirmation that they were both interested in an introduction, I would set up a mutually agreeable time for them to meet and then gently remove myself from the situation.

As you can imagine, this took time but the upshot was that I only ever did it if I really believed that both parties had something to gain from the meeting.  Today, when introducing one friend to another is as simple as typing a couple of sentences and hitting Send, there are a lot more of these kinds of transactions flying around but that's not necessarily a good thing.

I'm finding that I am frequently included in virtual introductions and requests for information interviews and meetings now, only the person I am being introduced to is also cc'd on the message, making it awkward for me to politely decline the opportunity to meet someone for any number of valid reasons. While the format for introducing people has changed, the need for etiquette has not.  Here is a five-step guide for managing the virtual introduction in a polite way:

Step 1 - Friend A would like to meet Friend B, an acquaintance of yours.   Friend A asks if you would be willing to introduce them via email, LinkedIn, etc.

Step 2 - You email Friend B (without cc-ing Friend A), let her know that Friend A has expressed a desire to meet her and provide some context on why that might be a good idea and a productive use of everyone's time.

Step 3 - If Friend B declines, for any reason, you respect that and politely inform Friend A that the introduction will not be taking place.  If Friend B accepts, you let her know that you will be sending an email to introduce both parties shortly.

Step 4 - Inform Friend A that Friend B has agreed to be introduced and that you will be sending an email to introduce them.

Step 5 - Send the email of introduction cc-ing both parties and explaining a little about each person and why you think an introduction would be mutually beneficial.  Close the email by extricating yourself from the equation and any future follow-up emails.

In today's rapid-fire world, this may seem antiquated and cumbersome but from an etiquette point of view, it is the only acceptable way to handle a virtual introduction, and also prevents you from making another etiquette faux pas covered in an earlier post - sharing someone's e-mail address without their permission.

In closing, I would like to suggest that if you have requested and been granted a virtual introduction, a follow-up thank you email is also in order.

Why We Need An Undo-Send Button

I'm old enough to remember when there was no e-mail and I have no doubt that it has revolutionized the way we do business and coupled with smart phones, it enables us to work from any place at any time. This is good if you'd rather handle correspondence from your Muskoka dock, but bad if you're expected to respond to e-mails during your daughter's dance recital.

But e-mail's greatest benefit - quick and easy communication - is also its biggest downfall because it doesn't account for the limitations of the human brain. While some of us can manage multiple tasks at once, research has shown that none of us do it well, and with the same kind of attention to detail we would apply to single tasks. And with many people juggling multiple email accounts, Twitter handles, Facebook pages and Blackberry messenger contacts, it's inevitable that eventually, a mistake will be made and the wrong message will be sent to the wrong person. If you have done this, you know that it creates an extremely uncomfortable situation, for both the sender and the recipient.

I had my own e-mail mishap several years ago. A situation had been annoying me for a while and rather than dealing with it in a mature and forthright way, I chose to kvetch to someone else by e-mail, only I accidentally sent it to the subject of my aggravation. While the message was more factual than gossippy it was still derogatory and was the kind of content that belonged in a private conversation, not an electronic missive. I realized my gaffe about a nanosecond after I hit Send and the ensuing physical reaction was quite remarkable. Within two minutes, my heart was pounding, my palms were sweaty, a hive-like crimson flush was breaking out across my face and an unprintable string of profanity was coming out of my mouth. I believe it was the modern-day equivalent of the fight or flight response our neanderthal ancestors experienced when confronted by a hungry sabre-tooth tiger. Our bodies send out a shot of adrenaline to help us deal with a perceived danger but while the caveman used the adrenaline to hurl a spear at the tiger or high-tail it out of there, my adrenaline just collected and pooled in the pit of my stomach until I felt quite sick.

In my panic, I immediately sent a quickly-crafted apology email which acknowledged my guilt but didn't do anything to repair the damage or address the underlying issues. At the time, I had just finished reading The FourAgreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you haven't read this book, I recommend it. It's a quick, light read and helps you put life's ups and downs in perspective. In short, the four agreements are 1. Be impeccable with your word, 2. Don't take anything personally, 3. Don't make assumptions and 4. Always do your best.

Since the text was fresh in my mind, I decided to apply it to the matter at hand. Obviously I had failed miserably at Agreement #1 as I had used my words carelessly but I was determined to rectify the situation in a more appropriate way. Ruiz spends almost an entire chapter on apologies and the fact that humans are the only species who relive a mistake over and over. His advice, (which is infinitely easier said than done) is to apologize quickly and sincerely and then let it go. The rest is up to the other person. So, tail between my legs, I went to see the recipient of my misfired e-mail and apologized, in person. While she accepted my apology with grace, it took a while for us to rebuild our relationship and it actually took a similar mistake on her part for it to return to normal, our mutual errors having cancelled each other out to the point that neither existed anymore and the air was finally cleared.

There are many lessons here - address issues before they get out of hand, don't use e-mail to deliver sensitive information, always double-check the To and CC boxes before you send but in my experience, most people only make a mistake like this once. The experience is too traumatic to be repeated.

Six common etiquette mistakes you probably don't know you're making

"Say, isn't that the new MAC Viva Glam shade?"





Those of us who believe in preserving etiquette are faced with a Catch-22 of sorts. Rude behaviour is all around us providing ample opportunity to educate people by showing them the error of their ways.  And yet, pointing out someone's ignorance is itself considered poor etiquette so we stand by mutely and let people carry on with their faux pas.  Enter the etiquette blog - a way to helpfully share the rules of etiquette without the risk of embarrassing the offenders.  That is of course, presuming that they are capable of embarrassment, a phenomenon I wrote about in a recent post on the disappearance of shame in modern society.  So, in the spirit of gentle reminders, here are six etiquette mistakes you probably didn't even know you were making:

1. Not excusing yourself to take a phone call - Despite what you may believe, there really is no public circumstance in which it's okay for you to interrupt an in-person conversation in order to talk on your cell phone.  This is especially true in situations where you're not only ignoring your companion, but also annoying strangers (e.g. inside an elevator or in a restaurant).  While it's better to turn off your ringer when you are in company, if you are expecting a call of an urgent nature that absolutely cannot be ignored, let your companion know at the start of your discussion and when the call comes, find a quiet place to take it.  The rule of thumb is that you should be at least 10 feet from other humans when you're conducting a cell phone call.  If you're an exceptionally loud person, make it 20.

2. Assuming you have a year to send a wedding gift - I believed this for many years but it's actually a myth and rightfully so.  According to Peggy Post at www.emilypost.com, if you wait a year, you're actually sending someone an anniversary gift, not a wedding gift.  While it can be cumbersome to tote a gift to a ceremony, and you may want to see someone's taste in home decor before choosing something, three months is considered the maximum time you can wait. 

3. Wearing your name tag on the wrong side - Many people believe that name tags should be worn on the left side because "that's where the heart is".  It's a lovely sentiment but unfortunately, it's wrong.  While it's easier for right-handed people to slap a name tag on their left side, it belongs on the right side.  Since we shake hands with our right hand, we have better eye contact with the other person's right side and therefore, don't have to strain to see their name and where they work. 

4. Having a sip when someone toasts you - At least once in your life, you will find yourself in a situation where someone makes a toast in your honour.  If you're a fabulous socialite, a major philanthropist or a politician who people actually like, this might happen often.  For most of us, it happens at weddings and the odd business dinner which we have organized.  While it seems only natural to raise our own glass when someone is complimenting us, etiquette experts remind us that "one never drinks a toast to oneself".

5. Leaving your napkin on the table when you visit the restroom - So you've had a couple of glasses of wine and you need to visit the ladies' room in the middle of dinner.  Perhaps you're leaving to take a phone call (see #1).  What do you do with your napkin?  Leave it on your chair, not beside your plate.  This spares your dining companions from having to stare at your lipstick marks or grease spots while you're gone.  When you no longer need it, it can go on the table as a signal to your waiter that you're finished. 

6. Sharing someone's email address without permission - Even if it's for a good reason (e.g. to refer some business to them), it is not appropriate to share anyone's email address without asking their permission or at least giving them a heads-up.  If you want to introduce two people via e-mail, let them know separately ahead of time before putting them together electronically.  And never, under any circumstances, share someone's email address with a person who is trying to sell something.

7. Neglecting to send thank-you cards after a funeral - A friend who recently lost her father suggested to me that people who sent flowers to the funeral home would understand that she was too sad to formally acknowledge their gesture.  I replied that, while another task is the last thing most people need during a bereavement period, thank-you cards are still required, and then I offered to help her write them out.  While everyone will completely understand if you take months to thank them, if someone has taken the time to purchase and send a flower arrangement, they deserve, and need, to be acknowledged.  But don't be afraid to ask for help with this.  You will certainly receive it. 

How Not to Offend in 140 Characters or Less

It's about time I did a blog post on Twitter etiquette. Notice how I didn't say "twetiquette" or "twittetiquette"? I know it's not really an etiquette faux pas but as an aside, I do get annoyed by the insipid trend of just adding a 'tw' to the front of every word when it pertains to Twitter.

But back to Twitter etiquette. As an old-fashioned gal, I am sometimes prone to lamenting that social media is the stage on which whatever remains of our society's civility will go to the gallows. But then I type "Twitter etiquette" into Google and I am pleasantly surprised by the amount of entries that pop up. Obviously, many people care about this issue. So with that, I give you my top ten tips for not being a huge ingrate on Twitter. Feel free to share your own personal faux pas and pet peeves in the comments.

1. Reveal yourself - Make it easy for other tweeters to know who you are, what you look like and where you stand. Take the time to prepare a proper bio including relevant details like where you're from, what you do, your interests and, if you have a particular axe to grind, then be up front about it. I personally think it's better to include a photo of yourself and not your cat, a cartoon character or that Twitter bird thingie. As with all things social media, transparency is key.

2. Use the DM properly - The DM (direct message) function is like a Web-based version of the text message and should be reserved for one-on-one coversations, making plans with another person, in-jokes, etc. Please don't use it to create work for people (e.g. Louise, visit my website and do my quiz) and refrain from those automatic DMs that get fired off to people's e-mail inboxes after they choose to follow you. I've never come across anyone who likes those but many people continue to use them.

3. Use the RT properly - From an etiquette point of view, one of the greatest features of the Twittersphere is the desire to give credit where credit is due, hence the RT fuction. Retweeting gives you the opportunity to share something of interest that another person has tweeted. Not only does this make you look smart and connected, it exposes the other tweeter's message to a wider audience and many people assert that retweeting is what keeps Twitter going. When retweeting, use RT@personsname before repeating their message. Try not to edit or rephrase their words. If you are retweeting something that someone else has already retweeted and need to cut characters, retain the original poster.

4. Don't abandon good grammar - You are not a 13-year-old texting her best friend about Friday night, are you? Take the time to spell properly, check your grammar, doublecheck your links and avoid childish abbreviations if possible. So while it's okay to use numerals instead of spelling out numbers and the '& sign' instead of 'and', don't use text abbreviations like c u l8er!

5. Don't be lazy - If you can't say it in 140 characters, use another platform for your ramblings. I sometimes have to rework my daily etiquette tip several times to make it fit and it's good writing practice. Please don't use multiple tweets to get out one sentence, leaving us hanging in between when you run out of characters.

6. Be fair- 140 characters leaves no room for context or nuance. Online or offline, it's unfair to trash a person, place or thing without providing any kind of background or back-up. If you're referencing a blog post or news story, provide the link and encourage people to make up their own minds. Resist the urge to use Twitter as your own personal soapbox. Disclosure: I've been guilty of this at times. It's that darn instant gratification thing!

7. Remember it's public - One of the downfalls of technology and social media is that it seduces us into believing we're in our own world when in fact, we're sharing it with 6 billion others. To use an old-school metaphor, don't tweet anything you would not want to see on the front page of the daily newspaper. This is doubly important if you're tweeting on behalf of an organization or workplace, or even if you just include your workplace in your bio. Think before you tweet.

8. Spread the love - Remember how unsure you were when you first joined Twitter? There are thousands of poeple like you every day. If you see someone inadvertently commiting a Twitter etiquette faux pas, help them out. Tweet a generic message about how to RT or properly give credit. Don't mock newbies, bring them along. And if someone says they don't see the value of Twitter or of social media in general, you don't need to immediately post a "they just don't get it" rant. Let them come on board in their own time, or not.

9. Avoid profanity - Remember that rule about counting to ten before you send a nasty e-mail? Well, it's the same with Twitter. If you're emotional, walk away from the computer. Don't embarrass yourself and others with foul language and mean-spirited words. You're more creative than that right?

10. Don't fight - I wondered if it was necessary to include this and decided that it was, just in case Lindsay Lohan, Courtney Love, Kanye West or one of those other badly-behaved celebrity tweeters was reading. Your dirty laundry belongs in the hamper, not Twitter.

Friends don't let friends get spammed

According to the authors of SEND: Why People Email So Badly and How To Do It Better, 100 billion unsolicited commercial e-mail messages are sent everyday and the average North American white collar worker gets 50,000 to 100,000 e-mails per year. It's easy to point the finger at faceless spammers and naive do-gooders who pass on warnings about lurking viruses or poorly-written missives that we must "immediately share with ten friends in order for something good to happen".

But what about people we know? Friends, family members, colleagues and acquaintances who share our e-mail addresses without our permission or include us in the To list of their group vacation updates so everyone else can see our personal or professional e-mail. I'm sure many of them don't mean to be rude, perhaps they don't even think about it but the fact is, it's not okay to share someone's e-mail address with another person without their permission, especially if, in doing so, you expose them to unsolicited, unwanted e-mails. Even worse, "friends" who share your e-mail address with people who have something to sell without your permission: "Hi Ann, I thought you'd like to meet my friend Steve. His company makes the most amazing widgets. Steve, feel free to e-mail your catalogue to Ann. "

I found myself in this situation recently. At a networking event, I met someone who expressed interest in partnering with a current client of mine. I took his card and when I returned to the office, I called the client and asked if he would be interested in an e-mail introduction. He said "yes" so I called the gentleman I had met, confirmed his interest and asked if it would be okay to include his contact information in an introductory e-mail. He also said "yes" and so I composed an e-mail to introduce them to each other and they've now set up a meeting. Time consuming? Yes but proper e-mail etiquette.

There are occasions where it's acceptable to share e-mail addresses but only if a relationship - professional or personal - has already been established. For example, I could include the e-mail address of a coworker in a welcome message to a new client. Or, if I am a board member of a professional organization, I wouldn't be surprised to find my e-mail address, along with those of the other board members, in the To line. We have a prior, established relationship with a clear objective and an understood code of professionalism.

However, if one of those board members decided to include the addresses of the others in an e-mail to an outsider about a separate fundraising event, without their prior permission, it would no longer qualify as appropriate netiquette.

Rule of thumb: if you apologize anywhere in your e-mail for the way in which you're handling the communication (e.g. "sorry for the mass e-mail, I don't usually do this"), you might want to rethink it.

Five Occasions that Warrant a Thank You Card

Saying thank you is one of the simplest and most effective ways to show your gratitude towards someone who has been kind to you. The act of kindness can be small (holding the door open), large (provided a job reference) or customary (sending flowers to someone recently bereaved) but an expression of thanks, whether verbal, electronic or hand-written should be automatic, perhaps even second nature.

And yet, these two unassuming little words cause so much confusion and angst for some that they avoid them all together. I would hate to think that people refrain from sending notes of appreciation because they are intimidated by the protocol around their use. So, no more excuses. Here is a brief summary of when and how to say thank you.

What occasions warrant a thank you note?
Anytime you feel the urge to thank someone is the right time but the following occasions actually demand it:

- When you have received a gift in your business or professional life
- When you have enjoyed someone's hospitality in their home
- If someone has hosted an event in your honour
- Gratitude for sympathy cards, letters or flowers
- When someone has done you a big favour like helped you move or sent a piece of business your way

Is it ever too late to say thank you?
While there is a cultural expectation that you will respond to someone's kindness in short order, it's easy to get caught up in the craziness of life and push your thank you notes further down your to-do list until the very thought of their tardiness keeps you up at night. While it might be embarrasing for you to thank Aunt Edna for the lovely toaster 12 months after you walked down the aisle, it's still necessary. There is no statute of limitations on thank you cards and believe me, people are waiting for them.

Do I really need to send a hand-written note?
What's wrong with writing out a thank you note? Personally, I find it therapeutic but I enjoy Gene Kelly movies and hard-copy newspapers so perhaps I'm out of touch. Hand-written notes are always appreciated and, in today's society with its profusion of electronic communications, they certainly stand out, but they are not always necessary. Formal occasions, such as weddings require a hand-written sentiment thanking your guest for sharing your special day and specifically mentions the gift and how you are using it. However, if a business acquaintance takes you for lunch, an e-mail later the same day will suffice. What's important is that you recognize and acknowledge that someone has shown consideration towards you.

What should I say?
Some people find it intimidating to write thank you notes but it's really quite simple:
-Keep it warm, sincere, enthusiastic and most importantly, personal. If you are sending multiple cards, each one needs to be different.
-If it's in response to a gift, mention the gift, how much you appreciate it and how you are using it
-Make it more about them (e.g. "you are always so thoughtful) than about you

Do I need to thank each person individually?
To express my condolences, I recently donated to a charity when an acquaintance lost a parent. One week later, I was shocked to find myself on the To list of a group e-mail thanking me and several others who had sent flowers or made donations. There are very, very few occasions in polite society where it's appropriate to say thank you to a group of people and this is definitely not one of them. While I'm pleased that there is an expression of gratitude, the use of a 'group' format suggests the sender doesn't value each individual's contribution enough to personalize it. Group thank-you cards are only appropriate where the entire group is already bound together by geography or circumstance (e.g. a department in your office or an existing online forum). If they were strangers before the event that precipitated their kindness, they need to be treated individually when you express your thanks.

There is much to be said on this topic and I'm only skimmed the surface. I would be interested in your feedback, questions or challenges.

E-mail Marketing - Part 2

A couple of weeks ago I posted about my obsessive, sometimes futile attempts to have my e-mail address removed from marketing lists. In some cases the e-mails are from organizations I have done business with, but often they're not.

Today, after several unsuccessful unsubscribe attempts, I decided to call the customer service line of one such offender and see if a personal touch might do the trick. This organization is a frequent shopper reward program. I am a client and overall I am very happy with their services. It's just the two to three unsolicited, promotional e-mails a week that I find annoying.

My first point of contact, a friendly customer service rep, said she had "no clue" why I was getting the e-mails because my account confirmed that I chose not to receive them. When I referred to the company's privacy policy, she immediately transferred me to a supervisor, another pleasant representative who was equally baffled and assured me she had never heard of this happening before.

She promised to forward my question to the I.T. department but declined my request to have someone follow up with a status report because they just don't do that. I asked if she could take responsibility for calling me back when the problem is fixed and, after about ten minutes of begging, finally said that she personally doesn't call customers back but would have someone else do it within five to ten business days.

This seemed like a long time to look into a problem but she assured me it was fair. I asked if I could have her extension in case by chance, the follow-up call never came and she said she didn't have one. When I queried how someone gets a hold of her in an emergency, she said they call reception and leave a message so I asked if I could have the reception phone number. Her answer: they are not allowed to give out that number.

How weak is an organization's confidence in its ability to handle customer complaints if they are afraid to give out the main phone number? I know my own business is nowhere near the size of this corporation but if a client called me with a problem, I would do everything in my power to fix it and provide a solution within hours and I would take pride in personally following up to make sure they were satisfied.

How hard is it to apologize, investigate and follow up? I'll let you know in five to ten business days.

Growing "list-less" with e-mail mailing lists

subscribe: v. 1 intr. (often foll by to) arrange to receive a periodical, service or a series of tickets in exchange for payment

unsubscribe: v.intr: remove oneself from a mailing list, esp. computer, etc.

I looked up these two words in the dictionary this morning because I am slowly going mad due to an upsurge in the volume of unsolicited marketing e-mails, newsletters, promotional offers, updates, etc. I receive.

This is not garden-variety SPAM. There are real people and organizations behind these online sales pitches and for some reason, they are labouring under the misconception that I am interested in their particular product or service. I could be, but the fact that they're sending it to me in bulk format with no personalization, tells me that they have not bothered to find out anything about me and are just playing the odds. Just this week I've been encouraged to redeem my frequent flier miles at an exciting new tropical destination, directed to a career website where I will find a fabulous new employee and invited to attend a marketing conference at Disneyworld.

I am a fanatical unsubscriber. If someone takes the time to send me a personal e-mail marketing their services, I will usually always respond but if I am the unwitting recipient of a bulk e-mail, I usually search for the unsubscribe button right away.

But this brings me back to my original point. In order to UN-subscribe from something, would I not need to have SUBscribed in the first place? Any time I am involved in any sort of transaction, via the Internet or snail mail, I fervently request not to receive any kind of follow-up promotional material. I scan the pages for the little box that indicates that I don't want to receive anything. I check it and then, just to be safe, I add a note reiterating my desire to be left alone. I never give personal information at a store check-out and I politely decline offers for those customer cards that entitle me to a free coffee after I buy 12 or some such thing.

But it doesn't work. Through a legal loophole in the privacy laws or flagrant disregard of them, they send me stuff anyway. I am currently receiving e-mail from some organizations from which I have unsubscribed several times. Each time I receive a pleasant follow-up e-mail telling me that while they're sad to see me go, my name will be removed from the list. Alas, no.

What's a girl to do? Any e-mail marketing experts out there who have a recommendation on how I can ebb the flow?

The Power of Permission

My friend Gaye Hardiman, who's great at sales, shared the secret of her success with me - when you make a cold call you are essentially asking that person for permission to express interest in them. It's a refreshing approach to marketing as we find ourselves in an economy that requires entrepreneurs of all stripes to "get out there and sell".

Here at Palette, Martin and I have turned up the volume on our networking, pitching and new business development. For the most part, this means re-connecting with friends and acquaintances across the city, becoming more involved in professional organizations and participating in RFPs. But we have also identified potential clients, contacted them personally and, in some cases , enjoyed face-to-face meetings. Many are not ready to commit to new services but a connection has been made and could reap rewards in the future. At the very least, we've expanded our network by one.

As the owner of a PR firm, I've noticed that, I too am receiving more pitches from service providers (e.g. photographers, event venues, financial services firms). I have no problem with this and completely understand the need to sell your wares in this economy. A precious few call and ask permission to send more info by e-mail but most don't bother. Rather, they include me on a bcc list and send a blanket e-mail marketing their services. What's really disappointing is that the majority of them are located in Toronto and could benefit from taking the time to start a relationship.

Like many small businesses, we're holding off on incurring new expenses as we wait to see what will happen with the economy. But we will be looking for partners and suppliers in the future and when we do, I'll be getting in touch with the ones who understood the power of permission.

Impeccable Imperative

The notion of living life in an impeccable way is an ancient one. It was part of the teachings of Greek stoic philosopher Epictetus and is a frequent maxim in the discourse of new age self help gurus.

But what does it mean to be impeccable? My trusty Oxford Canadian Dictionary tells me it is to behave in a way which is both faultless and exemplary. Wow, that’s a tall order!
With all of the balls we have in the air today, who has time to be completely without fault, never mind set an example for others. That’s just too much pressure right?.

While there are saints among us who are profoundly kind to all they meet, giving of themselves and generally making the world a better place, most of us operate in a zero balance state – comfortable in the knowledge that we didn’t intentionally ruin anyone else’s day but conscious that there are occasions where we could have acted with more grace or class.

But this might be a rare case where technology can have a positive impact on etiquette. 50 per cent of Canadians over the age of 18 own a cell phone, most of which have the annoying ability to take photographs, anytime, anywhere, stripping us of our privacy and reminding us of the need to live impeccably. We are never alone anymore and, actions that cast us in an unfavourable light, can be captured and shared with the world.

So, how about living life under the assumption that everything you do or say in public is could show up in tomorrow’s newspaper or tonight’s evening news. Will you show more compassion, kindness and benevolence? Would you smile serenely at ingrates who cut you off in traffic or take more than eight items into the express checkout? Could you, by necessity, become a better person?

Do what you say, say what you do

Recently, my colleague Martin Waxman, shared an e-mail he had received from a business acquaintance we both know. In content, format and style, it is a fitting example of how even the etiquette-savvy among us get tripped up when using the Internet to do business.

The e-mail's objective was to encourage Martin to purchase tickets for an upcoming event. It should be noted that the event in question was obviously near and dear to the sender's heart, featured a high-profile speaker and had a charitable component. All good things.

What raised the etiquette flag was the way the message was delivered. The e-mail started with Happy New Year and went on to read: "I wanted to send you a personal note...". When I read this, my eyes immediately gravitated up towards the To field, which read: undisclosed-recipient. In my view, a 'personal' note goes out to one person and starts with a personal salutation which includes the recipient's name (e.g. Hi Martin, I wanted to send you a personal note...). You could probably bend this rule if you were sending it to a group that was already in formation or a group small enough in size, that all members could be called out in the body of the e-mail (e.g. Dear PR Club of Canada membes or Hi Martin, Louise and Amy).

I realize in a time-starved world, it's tedious to send 50 separate e-mails when you can, in theory, accomplish the same thing with one. But, in our somewhat impersonal society, don't people deserve to feel they are worthy of a truly personal e-mail, especially when you are asking them to spend money?

In this case, the sender could have easily avoided the etiquette gaffe by simply omitting the word 'personal' and being honest with recipients by apologizing for the mass mailing up-front. A little honesty and humility can go a long way, maybe even encourage people to open their wallets.