Why the World Needs More Introverts

Ponder these questions:
1. Do you prefer one-on-one conversations over group activities?
2. Do you like to express yourself in writing?
3. Do you tend to think before you speak?

If you answered yes to all of these questions, you just might be an introvert.  Maybe you already suspected this.  Maybe you know it but have spent a lifetime trying to pretend you're more extroverted than you actually feel.

Why would you do that?  Maybe it's because North American society dramatically undervalues introverts and as you traversed from elementary school to college to your first job, you might have learned that your introverted tendencies were something you needed to hide, fix or deny.

I've always known I'm an introvert but thanks to Quiet: The Power of Introverts in A World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, a New York Times bestseller, I now have a better understanding of what that actually means.  Many people assume that introverts are shy, withdrawn and even antisocial while extroverts are loud, friendly and gregarious.  While these things may be true of some people, the truth is more complex.

For example, one of the main differences between introverts and extroverts is simply that extroverts can handle more sensory stimulation.  Loud music, roller-coasters, crowded streets or an animated group discussion don't bother the extrovert and in fact, they energize him.  If an introvert is exposed to these same things, she is thrown off-balance and, after a period of time, she feels over-stimulated, begins to shut down and is desperate to escape to quiet surroundings.

Consider public speaking.  Most introverts are terrified of speaking in public and experience a variety of mental and physical reactions to it.  These include sleepless nights, elevated heart rate, excessive sweating, shaking, vomiting and even fainting on the way to the podium.  But, because so many careers require public speaking, many have trained themselves to do it by only accepting engagements on topics where they have expertise, spending weeks planning, and practicing breathing exercises, etc. beforehand.  When it's over, even if it was a huge success, the introvert is completely depleted and needs to immediately retreat to solitude to recover.  While extroverts may also get butterflies before giving a speech, they don't put so much pressure on themselves to succeed, spend less time planning, wing it more.  If the speech is a success and the audience is pleased, the extrovert feeds off that and sticks around for the backslapping.

One of Cain's most interesting claims is the notion that extroverts react while introverts inspect. If an introvert and an extrovert both go to the same sales pitch, the extrovert is more likely to react instantly to what is being shared, to be wowed by high-pressure tactics and to be excited about the possibilities.  Inherently suspicious, the introvert will probably experience none of these things.  He'll need to go back to the office, think about what he heard, digest it, maybe do his own research and then come back with a host of questions.

When the extroverted tendency to jump in and see what happens is combined with the introverted need to inquire and make informed decisions, great things can happen.  Business partnerships, boards and senior management teams which value and include an equal distribution of both dispositions, have the perfect combination of fearlessness and risk aversion.

But this rarely happens.  Because our society values speaking up, sharing your opinion and excelling at teamwork, introverts rarely make it to the top and when they do, their cautious approach to change is often viewed as a hindrance.  Introverts dislike teamwork even though, fastidious about details, they often do the bulk of the work and demand little of the glory.  They are also less interested in wealth, fame and status than extroverts, which knocks many of them off the corporate ladder early on.

Cain believes that we live in a culture which admires risk-takers but a time which needs more heed-takers.  Some people have gone so far as to blame the 2008 economic meltdown on a lack of introverts in high finance, positing that, if only there had been more cautious, quiet, inquisitive people at the top, it never would have happened.  I'm not sure if that's true.  Perhaps they were there and no one listened.  Perhaps they don't have the chutzpah to make it in such a high-octane business and so there's a dearth of them at the top.

Reading the book has been therapeutic for me in the sense that I feel more comfortable with my introversion and realize that there's nothing wrong with my preference for working in solitude and my desire to always leave parties early, if I go at all. As the parent of a classic introvert, I'm also determined to let him be who he is and resist the temptation to "bring him out of his shell".

If you think you might be an introvert, you can take Susan Cain's quiz here   You might just be surprised.

Recession Etiquette - A Call for Class Indeed

It seems we are officially in a recession. After 9 months of dealing with the ups and downs (mostly downs) of a tanking economy, I'm starting to view it as an opportunity for positive change. I know this is a cliche but I've already been through the other four stages of grief - denial (this can't be happening), anger (why me, I've worked so hard), bargaining (don't cancel the project, let's rework it), depression (all is lost, there's no point) and I'm now firmly in acceptance. Rapid, unanticipated change is often a much-needed kick in the butt that forces you to re-examine your priorities, challenge your assumptions and identify those areas where you've become complacent.


Since last September, I have networked like never before. I've been going through my Rolodex looking up old contacts and people I haven't spoken with in years have found me. I have sat through many coffee meetings with recently laid-off acquaintances and I have tried to provide therapy to friends who have found themselves in dire financial straits.

An article in yesterday's Globe & Mail got me thinking about recession etiquette. The author cautioned against offering "cliche comfort" to the economy-afflicted with sayings such as: when one door closes, another one opens or when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Sage wisdom maybe but useless in the face of mounting debt and a lack of job leads. Instead of empty platitudes, Tim Tyrell-Smith, who runs Spinstrategy.com suggests that you ask someone what they need a hand with.

Here are some other recession etiquette faux pas and suggestions I've come across in the last half a year:

Recession, what recession? - A family member recently said this to me when I asked if they'd been affected. She and her spouse are both employed by the government and enjoy relative job security plus union-negotiated benefits. That's fine, but please don't deny that there is a recession going on, especially when talking to an entrepreneur.

Can you find me a job? - I have a lot of contacts in my field and I'm happy to facilitate introductions if I believe they will be valuable for both parties. However, I am busy running my own company and don't have time to follow up extensively.

Would you have time for coffee? - Traditional etiquette dictates that the person who initiates the coffee date is on the hook for the bill. But if someone invites me for coffee and they're unemployed, I feel that I should cover it, or at least suggest we meet at a low-cost venue.

It's so unfair - Before you start your 'why me' rant, get some perspective and think about who you're talking to. If your big complaint is that your organization is trying to reduce your annual sick days from 20 to 15 and you're chatting to a person who doesn't even have a job, keep it to yourself. It's all relative.

We're so lucky we...(enter brilliant decision here) before things got bad - It's great that you bought your home when the market was low, locked in your mortgage at 2 %, eschewed Prada bags for high-yield savings and live near your parents so you have free childcare. Please refrain from regaling the rest of us with your smart (or plain lucky) decisions.

Say thank you - I've recently met with many out-of-work PR professionals, some of whom I know personally and some who are friends of friends. I've done my best to provide advice and introduce them to others who might aid their job search. Only half have followed up with a thank you note. Handwritten cards are wonderful but an e-mail is the bare minimum.

It's just lunch - Remember the good old days when the cheque would come and people would fight over who would pick up the tab ("Let me get it. I insist", "No, it's my turn")? As with coffee, if you invite someone to lunch, especially if the objective is to get free advice or connections, you should pick up the tab. So, just pick somewhere you can afford. In this era of conspicuous consumption, no one will be offended if you suggest the corner diner. And, don't forget to tip the wait staff. Avoiding high-end restaurants is acceptable. Stiffing the waitress is not.

One parting thought. Be as nice an d as helpful as you possibly can. Do it because it's the right thing to do but also because the world is small. You never know when the tables will be turned.