She'd be great, if only I could motivate her

If only I could have more autonomy...

When I ran a business, the realization that it was my job to motivate staff hit me like a ton of bricks.  I had just assumed that everyone was motivated by the same things and at first, took a fairly formulaic approach to motivation.  When this didn't work, a mentor suggested that you can't actually motivate another human but you can find out what motivates them and use that to your advantage.  So, how do you find out what motivates someone?  You can ask them outright but you won't always get an entirely truthful answer.  For example, some younger workers claim to be motivated only by meaningful opportunities but my negotiations with them usually revolved around higher salaries and fancier titles.

So, in my lifelong quest to understand how to bring out the best in people (myself included), I was excited to read DRIVE: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, a New York Times bestseller from author Daniel Pink.  According to Pink, the old carrot and stick approach to motivating employees with external rewards like money is a relic of the 20th century that needs to be scrapped.  He asserts that the secret to high performance and satisfaction is the "deeply human need to direct our own lives, to learn and create new things and to do better by ourselves and our world" and to implement this, we need to let people experience autonomy, mastery and purpose at work.  Pink encourages modern workplaces to abandon motivation 2.0 (assume that if you give employees total autonomy they will shirk their duties) and embrace motivation 3.0 (assume that everyone is ready to work hard and do a good job in the right setting).

Pink asserts that people are happiest and most productive when they're in "flow", that magical time when we lose ourselves in our work, becoming deeply engaged in achieving our goals, challenging ourselves and learning new things.  I completely understand this concept and I have experienced it often but if I'm perfectly honest, I'm more inclined to experience "flow" when I'm reading a book on a beach or tending to my garden, in other words, things that are not attached to how I pay the bills.  Pink believes this Zen-like state is also achievable in an office setting and provides many ideas and examples of how to make it happen, including:  

Results Only Work Environment (ROWE) - Focus on results and nothing else, let people work whenever and wherever they want and don't waste time judging how people get the job done.  I love this idea and I can see it working with highly-disciplined individuals in certain environments. However, although Pink touches on autonomy versus accountability, he doesn't really offer any solutions for how to deal with employees who are allowed to work from home at midnight and still don't meet their deadlines.

Remove financial incentives and just pay everyone a healthy flat salary - Sounds good, but what's healthy? Is it the going rate in the industry or a few thousand more?  Is it what you think the employee deserves or what they believe they've earned? Pink argues that commissions, bonuses and even billable hours don't work and just force people to get creative when filling out forms and I can't say I disagree.  But human nature suggests that that there will always be people who think they're working harder or contributing more than their peers and who will expect external rewards, whether it's in the form of more money, extra vacation time or public recognition.

Let employees run free for a few hours - Informed by the reality that even the most creative person can get crushed under the weight of a deadline, Pink shares stories of companies which carve out time each month for employees to work on something completely unrelated to the business and not connected to compensation at all.  In this free time, liberated from client demands or management constraints, employees can really get their minds working and come up with their best work.  According to Pink, this is how Google News was conceived and scientists at one organization even won a Nobel Prize for Physics for something they developed in their non-work time. I can get behind this.  Many marketing types would say that the work they do for fun is much more creative than what they're "allowed" to do for clients. But when every single day is packed with new deadlines and fresh crises, how would a consulting firm find the time?

The book is well researched and Pink backs up his claims with reams of scientific data, study results and real-life examples although most of the workplaces he mentions are large tech companies and the scenarios don't always translate to an advertising agency or a retail outlet. I enjoyed the book, would recommend it, and I agree with Pink that the old models of motivation and reward are not working and are no longer applicable.  I would even say that this approach, or a form of it, is worth a try.

But I'm still skeptical about his belief that inside every seemingly lazy, disaffected worker is a hard-working Einstein just waiting to burst out if only the workplace culture is revolutionized.  It doesn't take into account the many personality traits and innate differences that shape humanity.  In my experience as an employer, wife, friend and mother, I know that some people genuinely want to do a good job at everything they touch and will respond to any kind of motivation.  Others can only excel if they're passionate about the subject matter.  Still others are purely transactional, will work for money, do no more than what's required and don't care what you think of them. Some thrive in a structured environment where they're monitored closely and there's little room for distraction and others can be trusted to work at home and not spend the day watching Tom and Jerry reruns.

What do you think?  Are you ready to embrace motivation 3.0?

When You Can't Fix the Big Things, Fix the Small Things

Always communicate!


Is there anything more frustrating than a slow-moving airport check-in line? I found myself in one of those the other day, the old-fashioned kind where there are no self-serve kiosks and the whole transaction must be completed in person with an airline staffer and a computer.  I had two colleagues to keep me company but we were all tired, famished, and somewhat cranky.

The line's progress was glacial, there were only two airline employees and each time someone reached the front, it took an inordinate amount of time for them to complete the process.  There was much conferring with supervisors and phoning for assistance.

When it was finally our turn, the employee explained that they were having trouble with their computer system and apologized for the delay.  As the most cynical member of my small band of travelers, I thought this excuse smelled faintly of "the dog ate my homework" but my kinder companions accepted his apology with trust and grace.

But it would have been better to have that information while we were in line.  Periodically, one of the staff members needed to come into the line, explain the situation, offer apologies and go back to his post.  Instead, they were so caught up in trying to fix a big problem that they missed an opportunity to fix a small problem.  No one likes to be inconvenienced but why compound it with a lack of communication?  Yes, you might have to put up with a few grumbles and eyerolls, but by communicating, you are showing your clients that you care about them.

If something is wrong, just tell people.  They'll still be upset but at least they can't accuse you of lack of communication.

Is Profanity Really As Bad As All That?

Bleep, bleep...


I ventured to a clearance outlet store yesterday.  I usually try to avoid these places, not out of snobbery, but because I hate the long lineups that seem to be a fixture in any retail outlet that promises to save, save, save you money.  But, I needed something that is out of season and therefore, unavailable in "normal" stores.  I found what I was looking for quickly and joined a line of about 20 people waiting to be served by one cashier.  The wait was unpleasant, the surroundings were unattractive and the temperature was stifling but since I anticipated as much ahead of time, I settled in and read the news on my Blackberry to pass the time.  Aside: what did people do to alleviate boredom before smartphones?

When I was second from the front, a customer arrived out of nowhere laden down with purchases and promptly walked up to the cashier.  The man in front of me, with a heavily pregnant wife in tow, told her loudly that there was a line and she belonged at the back of it.  She looked around and murmured sweetly that she didn't notice there was a line.  Personally, I think she was faking it and taking her chances but no matter, she shuffled to the back, professing her innocence all the way.

When it was his turn to go to the cash, the loud man seemed agitated and jumpy.  From what I could see, he was trying to negotiate a transaction that was either outside of the store's policies or that the cashier was unable or unwilling to complete.  In the meantime, a second cashier arrived back from her lunch break so I was served immediately.  As I was paying for my purchase, I could sense that things were getting quite heated over at the other cash station as the man's irritation bubbled over and a few seconds later, he yelled, "Bleep this.  I'm so sick of this bleeping bullshit.  This is the reason I waited in the bleeping line for so bleeping long" and marched out of the store.

For a rare moment, everyone was silent - the employees, the people in the lineup and the other shoppers milling around the store - and just stared slack-jawed at the man, unsure if their ears had deceived them.  Somewhat unwisely, the cashier left her post to chase after him yelling, "Swearing is not tolerated in our store under any circumstances.  You can't treat me like that".  While the people still in line seemed sympathetic, I don't think they appreciated having to wait even longer while she attempted to avenge the injustice.

My own cashier was quite taken aback and I had to wait a few minutes while she composed herself.  With my Scottish background, I'm used to profanity-laden outbursts, fueled sometimes, but not always, by an excessive intake of alcohol. I told her that the guy probably just had a bad day and this might have been the final straw and we can never take these kinds of things personally.  She responded with conviction, "A grown man needs to be able to handle himself without using those words."  Anxious to move along, I nodded my head but the thing is, while I care about etiquette and civility, I actually don't find profanity that offensive. I'm not saying we should all give up on polite conversation and start tossing around swear words in every conversation, it doesn't shock or bother me that people resort to it when they're pushed to the limit.  To me, they are just words and they're incredibly uninspired ones at that.  I've known enough amazing wordsmiths in my life who can cut people down to size in a much harsher way without a single four-letter word.  For a great example of this, catch Maggie Smith's portrayal of the Dowager Countess in Downton Abbey.

When people reach this level of anger, they're usually dealing with a bunch of their own stuff and the circumstances that finally send them off the deep end are just the final straw.  The person on the receiving end usually just happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Maybe I'm cutting the guy some slack because I have had my fair share of awful customer service experiences where I too, have felt so belittled and stepped upon that I wondered if swearing like a drunken sailor could be the only thing that gets through to an uncaring store employee.  My husband, who is often on construction sites where handling problems with profanity is the norm, says it's liberating not to have to dance around issues with political correctness and politeness when you can take care of it swiftly with a few choice swear words and move on.

I'm not advocating that workplaces everywhere should adopt an anything goes approach to coarse language.  But, I guess for me, actions speak louder than words.  What's your take?  Are the words important or the fact that someone has been made so angry that they felt they had no choice but to use them?

Tipping wait staff - obligation or nicety?

They seem happy.  I wonder how much they'll leave me...


There has been a lot of discussion in Toronto media lately about whether the standard restaurant tip should go up to the Manhattan standard of 20 per cent from the current standard 15 per cent so I thought I'd sort out some of the misinformation that's out there from an etiquette point of view.  


Before I begin, let me say that I worked as a waitress in a very busy restaurant for about a year so I am well aware of the rigours of the job - the hours on your feet, the demanding customers, the heavy trays, a pace that is often so frantic, you don't even have time to eat.  Despite this, I considered it to be a great job at the time because the tips I earned offset the hourly minimum wage I was receiving. I was also fitter than any other time in my life, but I digress.


The point is, I considered myself very lucky to be in a job that involved tips because I had many friends who were also working in minimum wage jobs in retail and clerical environments who didn't receive any tips at all.  That said, I knew that the size of the tip, if one was given, depended on the diner.  For the most part, the harder I hustled, the higher my tips but there were no guarantees. Sometimes I provided amazing service and got nothing.  That's life.  Now that I've been in the workforce for two decades I believe that every job is hard, every job has challenges and every job has aspects of it that make you feel unappreciated and disrespected.  No single profession or industry has a monopoly on hard work. 


A little about the history of this practice.  Tipping started in the taverns of 17th century England when thirsty patrons would slip bartenders a bit of extra money "to ensure promptitude" (the origin of the word, T.I.P).  It migrated to North America in the 1800s and, while it had a bit of a bumpy start, it is now widespread and even expected here. 


The practice of tipping varies among cultures.  In some countries, it is not expected at all and in others it makes up the bulk of the server's pay.  In some U.S. states, restaurant owners are allowed to pay wait staff less than minimum wage so that patrons can "make up" the remainder of their salary through tips which seems unethical.  Here in Canada, restaurant servers have to receive at least minimum wage and many of them rely upon tips to pad their take-home pay.  Culturally, refusing to leave a tip or leaving an amount considered less than appropriate, is often seen as cheap or insensitive and will often bring on the wrath of your dining companions. 


The standard tip in Toronto is about 15 per cent of the pre-tax bill although I have certainly been in situations where I've rounded it up to 20 per cent for ease of calculation or to recognize outstanding service.  Although using percentages is simple, it bases the tip on the size of the bill, rather than the quality of the service which is not necessarily the fairest approach.  A family with kids could easily use up a lot more of a waiter's time on a $50 dinner than a couple might use on a $100 dinner.  


Although tipping is commonplace in Toronto, it's important to remember that it shouldn't feel like an obligation and the amount itself is technically also at the patron's discretion, although most will abide by the standard.  Some restaurants get around this by automatically adding a tip (gratuity) to tables of eight or more.  Although I've never complained, this doesn't sit quite right with me as it turns the tip into a non-negotiable transaction rather than a gift for a job well done.  According to a recent Toronto Star article, a growing number of restaurants in Toronto have reprogrammed their debit and credit machines to prompt patrons to include a 20 per cent tip.  According to owners, many guests have welcomed the change but there is a presumptuous air about it which doesn't account for the fact that the tip is technically optional and the amount should be based on the quality of the service.  


As when I was working as a waitress, there are still many people today making minimum wage in jobs which don't provide any tips.  Most of the time, these jobs are no less grueling or demanding.  There is just no cultural expectation built up around how they are rewarded.


Over 20 years of dining out, I have had outstanding service and I have had crappy service.  I have waited for 15 minutes to even be acknowledged and I have been plagued by over-zealous  staff who are at the table every two minutes. I have had friendly, service-oriented waiters who genuinely want to enhance my experience and sullen, bored ones who seemed like they couldn't wait to get home.  Even after my worst experiences, I have never had the nerve to leave nothing.  In the end, guilt or the opinion of my tablemates gets to me and I begrudgingly give something.  On the flip side, I have occasionally provided 25 per cent tips when the service warranted it.  This is as it should be.


I'd love to hear your opinions on this, where you stand, how you approach tipping.  And, while I did my research before writing this and based it on my own experience, if I'm missing a big piece of the information pie or some important context, please enlighten me.

Beyonce's Blinged-Out Birthing Experience Annoys "Normal" Moms

The chosen one has arrived...and she's creating quite a stir


People are often surprised when I tell them that the definition of etiquette is "to increase the comfort level of those around you".  They always assume it is much more complicated than this but it makes sense if you think about it.  When people are practicing poor etiquette, either on purpose or inadvertently, they have temporarily forgotten about the people around them.

Inconveniencing others, putting them out, making their life uncomfortable, increasing their frustration - this is the natural result of going through life without thinking about the impact that your actions have on those around you.

Even when we're experiencing the biggest day of our life, whether it's our senior prom, wedding day or the birth of our first child, we still need to remember that we're not alone in the world.  Through choice or circumstance, many others are sharing our orbit.

So, I was sad (but not surprised) to hear of the shenanigans that took place at Brooklyn's Lennox Hill Hospital in the wake of the blessed event that was the birth of Beyonce's first child, Ivy Blue Carter.  There are conflicting reports but the gist of it seems to be that, in an effort to protect their privacy, Beyonce and her husband, Jay-Z (real name Shaun Carter) paid the hospital to construct or retrofit two luxury birthing suites so they were more reflective of a high-end spa and not a healthcare environment.  Okay, I can see this I guess. Huge celebrities are not accustomed to rolling like the rest of us (especially here in Ontario where money can't buy a better birthing experience) and they wouldn't want to taint Ivy Blue's view of the world by having her arrive in a run-of-the-mill hospital room.

However, in an effort to protect their privacy (and perhaps to treat the event with the gravitas they felt it deserved), the couple also had a flotilla of secret-service-type security, body guards, massage therapists and other "wellness" specialists who basically took over the whole floor. In the words of a new mother who had the misfortune to give birth at the same time, "no other pregnancy mattered" and apparently, things became so difficult that one couple of premature twins were prevented from seeing their babies and extended family members of other newborns were told that the floor was "on lock-down" when they arrived.  Any new parent will tell you that the process of giving birth is emotional enough without having to deal with another delivery on the floor that is deemed much, much more important than your own.

While I appreciate that the rich and famous may have a greater need to protect their privacy than the average citizen, let's not forget that Beyonce chose to announce her pregnancy at a very public event (the VMAs), drawing attention to herself and effectively eclipsing all other news from the event.  But, if your desire (fact or fiction) for privacy is so strong and you have unlimited financial resources, wouldn't it be better just to have the baby at home?  I'm sure that they could have arranged for all of the necessary medical personnel and equipment to ensure a safe and smooth delivery.

A spokesperson for the hospital claims that the hospital tried to minimize the disruption to their other parents and denied that there were any problems but the stories of mistreatment continue to come out.

It doesn't matter who you are.  When you make decisions, you need to take into account how they will affect others.

It's not the problem, it's how you deal with it that counts

Many years ago, on one of my first ever business trips, I boarded a non-stop Air Canada flight to Los Angeles. About 90 minutes later, the pilot announced that we would be making an unscheduled landing in Cincinnati and would need to get a connecting flight to LA from there.  As we were herded out of the plane, smiling flight attendants assured us that Air Canada reps were waiting in the airport to usher us to our new planes.  Some of the more seasoned travelers rolled their eyes but as I was still unjaded, I marched down the jetway and was completely surprised when in fact, there were no Air Canada reps waiting for us. We wandered around till we found the Air Canada service counter only to find that the befuddled staff had no idea who we were or why we were expecting to be put on planes to LA free of charge.  This was just the first of many air travel disruptions that have left me feeling in the dark, out of the loop and completely alone.  The most recent was a four-hour delay on the tarmac in Paris with half a cup of water and only the briefest, most vague information on what was going on.  But this is not a post about air travel, and it's not even a post about Air Canada.  I have been treated like garbage, ignored, lied to and left alone by many large airlines.

This is about a customer service experience I had with train travel.  I go to Montreal on business a few times a year and always travel by train.  With VIA Rail's first class service, I don't have to arrive at the station until 15 minutes before my train leaves, the staff are pleasant and helpful, there are no security check lines and, I usually have a glass of wine in my hand before the train clears the Greater Toronto Area.  With free Wi-Fi and lots of room to spread out and work, it makes for a relaxing and productive five hours and even though it's a five hour journey, I always arrive refreshed.

I've done this many times and have never had a problem but my luck ran out last week when my east-bound train ran aground west of Kingston.  Less than ten minutes later, the driver came on the loudspeaker to tell us that there was a problem with the engine and the engineer had gone to try to fix it.  I was slightly alarmed but figured it would be resolved soon and went back to my paperwork.  As the engineer tinkered away, the driver communicated with us at least every ten minutes for a half hour until he finally announced, apologizing profusely, that they were unable to restart the engine.  At that point, he said he was communicating with central control about how to get us safely to Montreal and promised he'd be back with details later.  True to his word, he came back on the loudspeaker five minutes later to tell us that we would be transferred onto another eastbound train that was about 20 minutes behind us but, since it was ending its run in Brockville, we would have to continue on to Montreal by bus.  This prompted moans and groans and mumbled profanity from the passengers and at least one panic attack by a woman who was horrified at thought of a prolonged bus ride.  Shortly after, the staff came around to chat with us in person, answer questions, and provide details on when we would actually arrive in Montreal.

20 minutes later, we were on board a second train hurtling towards Brockville.  For logistical reasons, we were downgraded to economy class but staff from the first train came with us and brought drinks and snacks to hand out to everyone.  When we pulled into Brockville, the buses were already waiting and warmed up and while they were a far cry from the first class cabin of the train, they were comfortable, if cramped.  The VIA staff who had been with us since Toronto were also forced to ride on the bus with us and again, they brought bottles of water, snacks, soft drinks and pillows.  They continued to answer our questions and before we got off, they provided complete details about how we could be refunded for our lost time and convenience.  We finally arrived at the Montreal train station at 1 a.m., three and a half hours later than our scheduled arrival time of 9:40 p.m.

So, is it a problem when a transportation company can't fulfill its promise?  Yes!  Was it a huge inconvenience that the first train broke down?  Absolutely!  I had planned to do five hours of work on my train trip and I only got in 90 minutes.  I didn't get to bed until 2 a.m. and was exhausted and disoriented the next day.  But, that said, overall I was impressed with how VIA handled the situation and how different it was from similar experiences with airline travel.  From the start, the staff were honest about the problem and the possible consequences.  They communicated regularly throughout the ordeal and handled angry customers in a way that diffused potential outbursts.  All of the staff members we encountered apologized several times for our troubles and they provided complete details on how we would be reimbursed within hours of the service breakdown.  And while they were on the bus with us for purely logistical reasons (it was their only way of getting home), somehow it softened the situation and made it difficult to continue to complain.

It's been said many times but people are generally willing to forgive any screw-up as long as you take responsibility, apologize appropriately and work to make amends.  In cases like this, the story becomes more about how a crisis is handled, rather than how the actual crisis happened.  I have always been a fan of VIA but despite being inconvenienced, I actually have more respect for the company now than I had before. After all, it's easy for people to be kind and happy when things are going well.  It's how people behave during a crisis that reveals their true character.

The Five Most Annoying Customer Service Practices

Last week I was shopping at my local branch of a large Canadian chain store when I heard a commotion coming from the customer service desk.  I looked over just in time to see an employee yelling "why are you giving me a hard time" to a customer who was trying to return something.  Yikes! In a perfect world, customer service transactions would be settled without voices being raised but whatever happened to "the customer is always right"?

I am always dismayed when organizations invest a lot in research and development, manufacture great products, conduct powerful marketing campaigns and then fall down drastically when it comes to customer service. Some companies have horrible reputations based solely on their approach to customer service when their products are actually great.  Some even have websites devoted to how awful they are and are still not spurred to improve the situation.

As someone who believes that companies can benefit from feedback, I am often on the line with customer service representatives.  So, based on my experience, here is my list of the five most annoying customer service practices that have to stop now:

1. Hidden contact info - Customers should not have to hunt through web pages, call directory assistance or do a Google search to find your customer service number.  What are you afraid of?  Put a Customer Service tab on your home page and list the various ways that make it easy for people to get in touch with you.  It should take no more than one click for a customer to find your 1-800 number.

2. Longer than normal wait times - How many times have you heard that "due to a higher-than-normal volume of calls, the customer service department is temporarily experiencing increased wait times"?  If the call volume is genuinely higher than normal, then this message is useful.  However, most of the organizations which use this recording have it playing all the time, which suggests that in fact, call volume and wait times are always high.  To use a Canadian example, every single time I've called Rogers customer service in the past five years, I have heard this message.  Rather misleading don't you think?

3. Advertising to unhappy customers - People don't generally call customer service when everything is going great.  Knowing this, why do companies think it's a good time to advertise to them?  If you're upset because your brand new dishwasher has gone on the fritz, do you really want to hear a recorded loop about the wonderful deals on washing machines?  Or worse still, a suggestion that, instead of staying on the line and talking to a human, you should hang up and go to the website.  If the website offered any assistance, you would have already resolved your issue there.

4. Requesting the same information over and over again - Often, when calling customer service lines, you are asked to provide information in order to get past the first stage of the voice prompt system.  You might be asked to give your phone number, membership number or credit card number.  When you finally have an opportunity to talk to a human, the first thing they do is ask for the same information.  If they're unable to help and need to transfer you to another department, the next person asks you for the same information.  It's a small thing but it just adds fuel to an already volatile situation.

5. Lack of empathy - I know some people disagree with me on this but I don't think customer service representatives have a right to get upset or annoyed when customers are angry.  I used to work on a 1-800 support line for the provincial government and people often phoned in a state of rage.  I didn't take it personally.  I just let them vent for a while and then I tried to help them. Even if I couldn't give them what they wanted, they were usually grateful for the opportunity to get it off their chest.  People call the customer service lines because your organization has let them down in some way.  Getting uppity with them is only going to make things worse.  Yes, it's tough to deal with angry people all day but that is the role and, if you can put aside your own indignance, there's an opportunity to make someone's day.

Please look at me

When my family needs something from a pharmacy, we take a walk to a nearby chain store. For the past seven years, this store has been our go-to location for diapers, formula, makeup, prescriptions and countless other things.

There is a cashier in this store who has been on duty almost every time I've been in the store. But I've never seen her eyes. This woman and I have been through countless transactions together. She has seen my kids grow. She knows what kind of mascara I like. She is aware of the various ailments that have plagued my family over the last half-decade. But she has never looked at me.

She has somehow managed to conduct every single transaction without facing me, looking at me directly or saying anything other than the minimum of words that are required. She has never smiled, made small talk or even said "thank you".

I find myself wondering about her life story. Is she depressed? Is she preoccupied or tired? Does she hate her job? Does she dislike the customers? What is she like when she is with her friends or family? Is she different away from work? Is she secretly a happy person who just doesn't feel the need to connect with strangers? How can she make it through an eight-hour shift without looking at anyone?

The sad thing is, she is not alone. Everyday we encounter service people, cashiers, customer service reps, etc. who manage to do what is required of them - process a return, get coffee, deliver a pizza - without acknowledging the human being on the other side of the counter. I find this situation really unnerving. Maybe I'm insecure but I long for acknowledgement and eye contact. Pleasantries do not need to be exchanged. Small talk need not be included. I can even (sadly) live without a 'thank you' but please, please, for the sake of civility, can you at least look at me?

According to body language experts, eye contact (or lack thereof) is the most important signal we can send each other and indeed when I did a google search on "the importance of eye contact", most of the entries that came up first, pertained to dating advice for men. But perhaps my frustration has cultural roots. If eye contact means different things in different cultures, perhaps I am just experiencing the diaspora that is Toronto. In North America and Western Europe, eye contact is not only considered proper and polite, but it is also a sign of self-confidence. Other cultures seem to have stricter rules when it comes to eye contact, especially within religious or hierarchical parameters.

So, I haven't uncovered the secret of my local pharmacy's behaviour - prolongued unhappiness, general indifference to others, cultural programming - but it still makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't know about you but when I'm spending money, I find it nice to be acknowledged.

Captive at the Cash Register

"Would you like to donate a dollar to our Love of Giving fund?" On a recent shopping expedition, I was asked this question (or some variation thereof) at four stores in succession and I thought it warranted a blog post on the etiquette of asking for money.

We've all been there. You've schlepped around a busy store, found what you wanted, hauled your purchases to the checkout line, finally made it to the front, and, just when you're about to pay, the cashier asks if you would like to donate a dollar (or amount of your choice) to either their own proprietary charity or another more established one with which they have struck up a partnership. Successfully put on the spot, you have the following options:

1. Say yes willingly and genuinely feel good about it

2. Say yes begrudgingly because you will feel like a schmuck if you don't

3. Say no, feel like above-noted schmuck and avoid judgy stares of fellow store patrons

4. Say no and launch into a rant about how you're sick of "everyone asking for money all the time"

5. Ask for more information which will satisfy your own curiosity or requirements for charitable donations but also result in putting the cashier on the spot and annoying people in the line behind you who just want to pay and get out of the store

You can probably tell by the tone of my multiple choice list that I'm not a huge fan of the "captive at the cash register
request for money" approach to philanthropy and it seems to
me that it's strategically flawed anyway - who wants to be asked
for additional funds at the exact same place where they see the
effect that the HST has on their wallet?

Let me make it clear that I don't blame the store employees in any way. I know they are doing their job and I'm sure they have been directed to ask for donations from every shopper, regardless of how busy they are, how grumpy the person is or how many others are standing in line. It also feel seems that they're not furnished with the information they need to answer questions from would-be donors. When I encountered a request for donations at four stores in succession one day a couple of weeks ago, I decided to ask some questions of clarification before making a decision. I won't name the stores but lets say that they include a national drug store chain with lots of shoppers, a department store with a storied Canadian history, a toy store with a penchant for mis-spelling its name and a provincial chain store with somewhat of a stranglehold on liquor sales. At each store, I asked the cashiers two questions - does the company match the consumer donations and does the company use consumer donations to get a tax write-off?

Only one employee was able to confirm that the company matched the donations but since it's effectively a crown corporation I wonder if they aren't matching the donation with my money anyway. The other three cashiers offered only sighs or blank stares or suggested I call head office. No one was able to answer the tax write-off question but one of the employees said, and I quote, "I don't know but if it's true, I'm going to start my own charity so I can get a write-off". Just the kind of person you want on your frontline. I should add that in all four stores, the livid stares of shoppers standing behind me in line were boring into the back of my skull with a burning intensity as I held up the process with my questions.

Proponents of the cash register donation say that consumers like it because it's fast, simple and they have some "power" over where their dollar is going. Besides, if you're not interested, you simply have to say "no" and you won't be asked again. I have found this to be true. But an unofficial survey of my friends, family members and neighbours revealed that, for the most part, people are experiencing charitable fatigue and find this approach tantamount to harassment.

What do you think? Is the cash register donation request harmless, crafty, strategic, annoying? I'd love to hear from anyone who works in the charitable sector.

Tweeting the not-so-friendly skies

Many of your have heard about director Kevin Smith's ejection from a Southwest Airlines flight. As it happens, I follow Kevin Smith on Twitter and, on Saturday night, during half an hour with nothing to do, I witnessed live, as did many others, Mr. Smith's colourful and vitriolic immediate reaction to this situation. He was obviously enraged and showed no mercy in his expletive-ridden criticism of Southwest Airlines cheered on by his adoring fans/followers.

As an etiquette afficionado, I'm all about customer service and from what I can ascertain, Mr. Smith did not receive the service to which he was entitled. But, while I believe that everyone deserves respect from the organizations with which they deal and I support initiatives which challenge poor treatment of customers, I wonder if immediately taking your frustration viral and saying whatever comes into your head, profanity and all, is the best way of dealing with it.

I always, always follow up on poor service and I strongly urge everyone to do it. As a customer, I feel an obligation to report if a company representative is not living up to an organization's promise and as a business owner, I know how valuable this kind of feedback is to maintaining and nurturuing a positive relationship with my clients.

However, because we live in a society that does not put a premium on human interaction, there are many moments when I have been so insenced by shabby service that my first instinct has been to pull out my Blackberry and start tweeting and, although I'm not a movie director with 1.5 million followers, I do have several hundred followers, most of whom are very engaged in the Twittersphere. In other words, I might be able to do a tiny bit of damage.

But shouldn't we be trying to resolve our issues on a higher level than the ones on which they were created? The service offender in question may have behaved like a cretin but responding in kind just sets off a war of words where the initial issue is forgotten and people take sides withouth having the facts.

So, I usually recommend a complaint hierarchy, if you will, that goes something like this:

Step 1 - Try to resolve the issue with the person who is directly responsible for it
Step 2 - If this doesn't work, think about what you need to resolve the issue (e.g. an apology, a refund) and speak with whoever is in charge of customer service
Step 3 - If you are still not satisfied, go as high in the organization as you can until the situation is resolved to your satisfaction
Step 4 - If you still don't get anywhere, go online for help. Blog about the situation or ask for help on Twitter but be professional and keep it factual.
Step 5 - When the situation is fixed, say thank you

Sadly, this strategy requires patience in the face of mounting anger. Conflicts are usually never resolved with the person who caused them (Step 1) and often, the only time anyone shows any real interest in helping is after Step 4 - when I've asked for it on Twitter. Kevin Smith knows this and Southwest has learned the hard way. But I still think a measured approach is more constructive than everyone just tweeting their rage and naming names.

On a final note, I'll say that the way this situation has spiralled in favour of Kevin Smith is a good reason why a) companies should always treat clients with respect and b) watch some movies guys. He's very recognizable!

How May I (Not) Help You?

This is a blog about business etiquette but I often use it as an opportunity to muse (rant) on the sorry state of what passes for customer service these days. And why not? The definition of etiquette is to have an awareness of the feelings of others and how your actions might have an impact on them. If that's not an apt definition for customer service then I don't know what is.

A recent shoddy customer service experience got me thinking about the customer service practices that have the most destructive effect on my resting heartbeat. That's no short list of course but, after much internal debate, I managed to narrow it down to five. I'd love to hear what yours are as well.

1. Having to listen to advertisements for the very product/service I am unhappy with while I wait for assistance - To me, there is no greater arrogance than the assumption that unhappy clients want to listen to you trumpet the virtues of your product while they fume at the other end of the receiver. You know who you are telecom conglomorate!

2. Not being able to press zero immediately - I don't know about you but the first thing I do when I dial a 1-800 number is try to zero out to a live human but the systems are on to me and a friendly voice tells me in no uncertain terms that "that command is not available".

3. Punching in all of my details on the phone only to have the customer service rep ask me for them when he/she finally answers the phone. What was the point of me entering my 10-digit phone number and 15-digit credit card number if it disappears into obscurity?

4. Customer service reps who call me back and only leave their first name and no extension - Whenever this happens, I call the number only to have someone ask me for the full name of the person, which I, of course am unable to provide. The person on the phone then offers to help me but only if I repeat the same sorry lament I gave to the other person before.

5. No apology - How hard is it to tell an irate customer that you're sorry they had a bad experience? No matter how upset I am, if the first person I talk to apologizes, things seem to go well. On the flip side, my rage increases with each unapologetic person I talk to.

Customer service so great it makes me want to sing

Earlier this week, I wrote about the terrible customer service I received while trying to purchase a pair of boots at Sears. Today, I'm going to share the story of the retailer who successfuly sold me a pair of boots and my, what a difference an attitude makes.

After my upsetting experience at Sears, I decided to try my luck elsewhere and ended up at the Skechers store. If you're familiar with the Toronto Eaton Centre, you'll know this is a very short walk. It was lunchtime and the store was busy but bright and airy plus there seemed to be enough salespeople for the amount of customers. The music was a little louder than I like it but then, I am over 40.

I had no sooner spotted a fabulous boot when a smiling young man materialized to ask if I'd like to try them on. I must add that, at the time, he was already balancing about four boxes of shoes but still managed to stop and help me.

I sat down on the very comfy chairs (leather I think) and before I could blink he was back (still smiling) with my boots - right colour, right size. He handed the box to me and said he would be right back, as he went off to help another customer. He was only gone a moment or two when he reappeared, apologized that I had to wait for him (I hadn't really) and asked how I liked the boots.

I liked the boots and I'm not one to dither so I told him that I'd buy them and he accompanied me to the cash register where he made friendly chitchat while completing the transaction, thanked me for coming in to Skechers, and then (I loved this), he walked out from behind the counter to hand me my bag in person. Plus, it was a large reusable bag!

The whole thing took less than 10 minutes and I walked out of there with a great pair of boots - good product, great price, fantastic service.

This is how you do it!

Customer service so bad you want to cry

For me, etiquette and customer service are entwined. The definition of etiquette - an awareness of the feelings of others and the impact of your actions upon them - applies perfectly to the concept of customer service.


If you read my blog regularly you'll know that I don't usually name names when posting about poor customer service but occasionally, I have an experience that is so bad I fee l I have to "out" the perpetrators.


Yesterday I went to the Sears store at the Toronto Eaton Centre to buy winter boots. Like many women, I start to think about my fall/winter wardrobe in late September and thought I would see what's available before all the sizes are gone. There were more than 20 customers milling around the shoe department and only two employees, a man who was run off his feet and a woman who was engaged in a lively conversation with three other women that obviously had nothing to do with shoes. To be fair, one of the three was trying on a pair of slippers but I waited for about 10 minutes while they chatted with nary a glance down towards her feet.


Finally getting the salesperson's attention, I handed her my boot of choice and she trundled to the back to find my size. She came back out a few minutes later because she had forgotten what size I said. When she came back, she had the right boot in the wrong size. When I asked if I could try it on in MY size, she rolled her eyes and brought out another pair. This time it was the right boot in the right size but the wrong colour. My patience growing thin, I asked her if she could please bring me a pair of boots in my size and colour of choice. After an exasperated sigh, she left, came back a few minutes later, threw a box on the floor and walked away. When I took off the lid, the boots inside were completely different than the sample I had shown her.


I went to find her and, suprise, found her again chatting with the three women as frustrated customers bided their time nearby. I asked her why she kept bringing me the wrong boots to try on and, sneering, she said, "I guess we just don't have what you want". Furious by now, I went to a nearby cash counter and asked to have the store manager paged. About five minutes later, he arrived. This is where it gets good. As I started to explain the situation to him, his cell phone rang and, HE ANSWERED IT! He then proceeded to have a 3-or-4 minute call while I stood there cooling my heels. When he finally got off the phone, I asked him why he took the call when he had a disgruntled customer standing in front of him. He looked at me incredulously and matter-of-factly said he couldn't NOT answer his phone. Can I take a moment here to remind everyone that the world will not end if you let a phone ring to voicemail once in a while?


While my experience in the shoe department frustrated me, I was really dismayed by the manager's actions. An organization's leaders set the tone for its approach to customer service and, by leaving me to stew while he had a conversation, it was clear that placating customers is not a priority.

Needless to say, I left and have no plans to return even though I had money to spend and found something I wanted to buy on that day at that time. I'm sharing my experience here. But, like my friend Eden Spodek says in a similar post on poor customer service , we can blog and rant online all we want. They won't have a clue and they might lose another customer or two. So what.


If customer service was a priority, it wouldn't have happened in the first place.

The place where time stands still

Few things in life put the brakes on our hyper-digital, fast-moving society than standing in line at the bank. The whole in-person bank experience harkens back to a kinder, gentler and infinitely SLOWER time in history.

Yesterday, my business partner Martin and I walked to our bank to make a simple deposit. I won't reveal the identity of the bank, but, suffice to say, it's a large national one. Our intention was to do our business at the ATM, normally a routine 60-second transaction. Alas, it was out of order so we stepped inside (and back in time) to deposit a cheque the old-fashioned way and deal with a human being.

It's been a while since I've been inside a bank. I had forgotten how deserted they can be in the mid-morning. This particular site is actually quite aesthetically-pleasing. It has high ceilings, lots of white space and and the serenity of a library. Ceiling fans whirred above us and the staff (most of whom were sitting and chatting with each other) seemed to speak in hushed tones. and move in slow motion. There was no one in line and four tellers available so we were immediately served by a lovely, yet reserved gentleman. That's the good news. The bad news is, for some reason, what takes 60 seconds at the ATM took 10 minutes at the teller and consists of odious filling out of forms, answering of questions and signing of documents. I had also forgotten how difficult it is to sign a form using that pen that is physically attached to the counter with a 10-inch non-pliable wire.

My companion decided that, since we were already at the teller, it would be a good time to request a U.S. bank draft, something that was on his "to do" list. Bad idea! That took another 10 minutes with more forms to complete in triplicate. The capper came when the teller went to print the draft only to find out that not one, but two printers were malfunctioning. After minutes of pulling out and jiggling all of the wires and cables from the back of the machinery to no avail, a manager was summoned, the problem was fixed and the document was printed. I know it was a manager because unlike the tellers, his name badge had both a first and last name while the other employees, like Madonna, went only by their first names.

Throughout all of this, I was struck by complete lack of any sense of urgency exhibited by the people who work there. Even at the zenith of the printer debacle, no one appeared to be particularly phased. The funny thing was, I wasn't even upset. Granted, I didn't have anywhere important to go after that, but somehow, the slowed atmosphere calmed me in a way no yoga class ever has.

Finally, feeling good about a job well done, our teller asked if there was anything else he could help with. There was neither a hint of irony, nor any trace of the need to apologize for keeping us waiting so long. Most service-oriented businesses, upon delaying their clients waiting, will mumble at least a cursory, even fake apology. But not here, just a smile and an placid gaze which left me feeling that some insitutions are untouchable.

The next time I'm feeling overwhelmed with the fast pace of life today, I'll go stand in line at a bank. That will jolt me out of my nostalgic reverie.

A customer service experience from Abbot and Costello

Because this is an etiquette blog, I like to share customer service stories - both good and bad. This one doesn't really fit into either category. It's more bizarre than anything else.

For reasons I won't go into, I find myself having to take a three-hour bus trip this Friday. I visited greyhound.ca, the Canadian version of the bus company's consumer website to check out schedules and fares. I am delighted to find that they have an online purchasing option. I choose my date, time and fare and attempt to proceed to the actual purchasing part but alas, I am foiled. It won't let me. But that's okay. I am informed that I can call a toll-free number to get technical help. I dial the number. An automated attendant asks if I'm travelling in Canada or the U.S. I find this odd since I got the number from the Canadian website. When I tell the computer that I'm travelling within Canada, she tells me I need to dial the Canadian number and provides it. I dial the number. I get another automated attendant and after pressing numerous buttons in an attempt to reach a live person, I am connected to an agent.

The agent is lovely and polite. I tell him I had trouble purchasing my ticket online and he explains that this is because the website doesn't actually offer the capacity to purchase tickets online. This, of course, is in direct opposition to the flashing button that encouraged me to PURCHASE MY TICKETS ONLINE but I digress.

I ask if I can purchase the ticket through him and he agrees. Once the transaction is complete he tells me that Greyhound cannot guarantee that I will actually get a seat on the bus because it's first-come, first-served. I ask how they can sell tickets in advance and then not guarantee seats and he explains that it is "greyhound policy". He tells me that in order to actually guarantee my seat, I can cancel my order with him and purchase it from the actual station at any point between now and Friday afternoon, or, arrive one hour ahead of departure. Both of these options will cost me an additional $5.

Sensing my confusion, he asks if he can help with anything else. I politely tell him that no, I'm watching my blood pressure, and thank him for my time.

Is the human animal's capacity for complicating even the most routine of transactions not amazing?

Finally...some good customer service for a change

I often use this blog to tell customer service horror stories but today, I'm thrilled to share a good news story about some wonderful customer service I recieved.

But first, some background. This week, I attended a great event on how to make the most of Twitter, organized by Yummy Mummy Club and featuring Scott Stratten, who is amazing by the way. One of Scott's many great tips was to use and register on Twellow, the Twitter Yellow Pages. Twellow makes it easy to find people on Twitter by grouping users into many categories (e.g. entertainment, politics, media). Check it out.

Back at my office, I went to www.twellow.com and found the site easy to navigate but I noticed there was no category for "etiquette". So, I hit the Contact Us link on Twellow and e-mailed a request to have "etiquette" added. I'm always skeptical of those links because, sadly, they often disappear into a black hole or it takes weeks for someone to respond.

Imagine my surprise when I received an e-mail from Chad at Twellow Support only ten minutes later. He informed me that he had added the category and provided the URL where I could link to it. Pleasantly surprised, I e-mailed back to thank him and asked for some advice on how to add myself to a category. Almost instantly, he returned my message, provided the instructions and told me had gone ahead and added etiquette to my search profile. Wow! I almost never receive customer service that is this quick, pleasant and informative.

Twellow is now number one in my customer service hall of fame!

E-mail Marketing - Part 2

A couple of weeks ago I posted about my obsessive, sometimes futile attempts to have my e-mail address removed from marketing lists. In some cases the e-mails are from organizations I have done business with, but often they're not.

Today, after several unsuccessful unsubscribe attempts, I decided to call the customer service line of one such offender and see if a personal touch might do the trick. This organization is a frequent shopper reward program. I am a client and overall I am very happy with their services. It's just the two to three unsolicited, promotional e-mails a week that I find annoying.

My first point of contact, a friendly customer service rep, said she had "no clue" why I was getting the e-mails because my account confirmed that I chose not to receive them. When I referred to the company's privacy policy, she immediately transferred me to a supervisor, another pleasant representative who was equally baffled and assured me she had never heard of this happening before.

She promised to forward my question to the I.T. department but declined my request to have someone follow up with a status report because they just don't do that. I asked if she could take responsibility for calling me back when the problem is fixed and, after about ten minutes of begging, finally said that she personally doesn't call customers back but would have someone else do it within five to ten business days.

This seemed like a long time to look into a problem but she assured me it was fair. I asked if I could have her extension in case by chance, the follow-up call never came and she said she didn't have one. When I queried how someone gets a hold of her in an emergency, she said they call reception and leave a message so I asked if I could have the reception phone number. Her answer: they are not allowed to give out that number.

How weak is an organization's confidence in its ability to handle customer complaints if they are afraid to give out the main phone number? I know my own business is nowhere near the size of this corporation but if a client called me with a problem, I would do everything in my power to fix it and provide a solution within hours and I would take pride in personally following up to make sure they were satisfied.

How hard is it to apologize, investigate and follow up? I'll let you know in five to ten business days.

A Tale of Two Cities

Last year, I travelled regularly throughout the U.S. on business. As an etiquette consultant, I'm always on the lookout for service that is exceptional or disappointing. Regardless of my experience, I usually take the time to share my perspective with management in a constructive way. As a business owner myself, I would want to know if my clients were less than pleased so that I could investigate the problem and find solutions.

In November, I experienced service levels at opposite ends of the spectrum during back-to-back stays at two hotels. One is a grand hotel in the old tradition and the other is of the newer boutique variety, but their rates are about the same (in the range of US $400 to $600 per night). My stay at The Ritz Carlton Tyson's Corner, Virginia, was excellent from start to finish. It is a beautiful property whose staff take delight in meeting your needs and who are able to fulfill any request - extra pillows, cold medication, shipping items home - almost immediately. The room service, dining and overall attention to detail was above par on every level.

From there I moved on to a trendy hotel in Manhattan where I was hosting a group of 30 guests. I had a detailed contract outlining what I could expect in return for bringing so much business their way and had paid the full cost in advance for extras like pre-arrival check-in so members of my party wouldn't stand in line. Despite the anticipated arrival of a large group, the hotel had a minimal amount of staff, who seemed to spend most of their time talking among themselves, as guests opened doors and struggled with baggage. The hotel had also inexplicably scheduled a computer upgrade for the day of our arrival which crashed their system and resulted in my guests having to be checked in with pen and paper by the one available desk attendant. Room service was sloppy and simple requests required tracking down staff who were usually ill-equipped to help. Case in point - when the business centre photocopier ran out of toner, the concierge asked me to replace it myself. I was prepared to comply out of desperation but was unable to as no one knew where the extra toner was stored.

Upon my return to Toronto, I wrote letters to the owners and managers of both properties. In my letter to the Ritz Carlton, I raved about the service and asked that my feedback be shared with the hotel staff. To the manager of the Manhattan hotel, I politely expressed my disappointment, invoked phrases from our signed contract, and asked that my concerns be addressed in a timely manner.

Within a couple of weeks, the general manager of the Ritz Carlton wrote back, thanking me for the kind words and committing to share my praise with his staff. A month later, I received a two-line e-mail from a staff member at the Manhattan hotel, who had 'intercepted' my letter to his boss. He said that he was conducting an investigation and would get back to me. Alas, that was the last I heard of him, despite a couple of follow-up e-mails on my part.

This reinforces my belief that organizations which are committed to outstanding service make it a priority on every level. Etiquette dictates that it is not necessary to respond to a thank you letter but the best companies feel the need to acknowledge the time you took to write one. On the other hand, an organization whose indifference to clients is evident from the moment you walk in the door, can hardly be expected to flip into service mode when they receive a complaint.
I make it my business comment on my experiences with service personnel, whether it's a coffee shop or luxury resort, and I'm happy to say I spend as much time praising as I do complaining. When I'm doing the latter, I often receive an apology, occasionally receive restitution and sometimes, am completely ignored which is the most frustrating of all.

Like most humans, usually I'm just happy to have someone acknowledge my existence and listen to me. You can thank me, disagree with me, even shout at me. Just don't ignore me please. My fragile ego can't take it.