Ten Surprising Things I Learned While Running My Own Business

For eight years, I co-owned a successful Toronto PR agency.  At its peak, we had 13 employees and a nice portfolio of global brands and local start-ups.  I’m a freelancer now but I often draw upon the lessons I learned at the helm of a “real” enterprise.  Some of them might be interesting for you if you’re running a small business or thinking about it:

1. The business is always with you - A small business is like a child.  It’s just as demanding and it needs you 24-7.  It makes you work on your days off and puts a damper on your vacations.  It wakes you up early and whispers to you when you’re sleeping.  It's unpredictable and just when you think you've got it figured out, it hits you with the office equivalent of teething pain. 

2. Rules are not a bad thing - When you start, it's tempting to eschew boring, restrictive things like time sheets, office hours and signed contracts but eventually you will need them and they are a lot harder to introduce later on.  Take the time to develop processes for your office, your employees and your clients.  You won't alwyas look at them when things are good but you'll rely on them when relationships sour.

3. When you are responsible for someone's livelihood, you make decisions you wouldn't make as an independent - We all know when a client isn't a good fit or when it's time to turn down another low-paying account.  And when it's just you, you can do that.  But when people are relying on you to pay the bills, you will sometimes compromise to keep the cash flowing.

4. Management theorists are not always right - There is no shortage of business gurus peddling their books, preaching about swimming with sharks and getting out of your comfort zone.  The thing is, most of them aren't actually running a small business and some have never even worked in a corporate setting.  Read the books, stay abreast of the trends but remember, the concepts are theoretical.

5. You can't lead without a map - When finding clients is your main focus, it's easy to forget about business goals that aren't related to sales.  While you don't need a sophisticated vision/mission statement, you do need a plan for the kind of company you want to create.  If you don't have a roadmap for growing your business, someone else will grow it for you, and not necessarily in the way you envision.

6. You can't do everything - This is one of the toughest lessons for business owners to learn, especially in a consulting business where human capital is the equity.  The only way to expand is to hire other people, train them, trust them and let them sink or swim.  Yes, mistakes will be made but if you micromanage, you will never get out of the office. Note: I'm not sure I ever perfected this.

7. You won't believe the paperwork - Until you are big enough to pay someone to take care of your non-core business, you will be a CEO, HR director, accountant, procurement officer and sales director and you'll be up to your ears in tax forms, leasing agreements, photocopier rentals, paycheques,  invoices, IT upgrades, and, sadly, termination papers. 

8. Never count your chickens before they hatch - Nothing is confirmed until everyone signs on the dotted line.  People will accept job offers and then change their minds.  Potential clients will ask you to spend hours on a proposal only to decide they're going to handle things in-house.  And people will tell you the cheque is in the mail when it's still on their desk.  Be conservative in your projections.

9. Things move much slower than you anticipate - Occasionally you'll get a new client who needs you to start immediately, but more often, the sales cycle is glacially slow and there can be a few months from a first meeting to winning the business to working on the account to seeing that first cheque.

And most importantly...

10. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't right - You will know within a couple of months if something isn't working whether it's a project, a new employee or a new office process.  But no one wants to admit they made a mistake so you hold on and hope that things will change.  They rarely do and you end up having a tough conversation two years later than you should have.  Follow your instincts.  They're what got you where you are. 

Whatever happened to good old-fashioned shame?

I'm so embarrassed...

About fifteen years ago I had a job that was very important in terms of my career development.  I wasn't 100 per cent qualified according to the job description but my boss saw some hidden potential in me and took a chance on my future success.  He turned out to be a great leader and I have a tremendous amount of respect for this person and for his commitment to the role, which he still holds today.  I desperately wanted to impress him and to prove that hiring me was the right decision. But I wasn't perfect, and like everyone else, I screwed up from time to time.  When this happened, and especially if it was due to negligence, laziness or carelessness on my part, I was mortified, apologized for my role in the mix-up and asked what I could do to fix things.  Later, in the privacy of my own home, I would watch TV in bed, eat most of a medium pizza, down a bottle of wine and go to sleep feeling miserable. This was how I coped with the shame of letting down not only my boss but also myself. The next day I would clean myself up, dust myself off and start all over again, vowing never again to make the same mistake and keeping a somewhat low profile until I had "proven" myself again.  In this case, shame was a case of short-term pain, long-term gain.  It was a powerful motivator to be more aware, try harder and do better.

This kind of shame is not something I consciously set out to experience.  Thanks to a combination of innate personality and strict upbringing, I'm somewhat hardwired to feel shame when I screw up and even now, when I forget to bring the dessert to a family potluck or my kids tell their dentist that they don't floss regularly, I feel the heat of shame and embarrassment rise from my neck to my forehead.

Imagine my surprise then in my first management role when I learned that some people are not ashamed when they screw up and worse still, most are not even embarrassed.  One of the toughest things for a manager is the realization that what motivated you to succeed is not necessarily the same thing that will motivate one of your employees and in fact, you need to learn what motivates each person in order to properly lead them.  For some it's public recognition, for others its money or a new title and there are some people who will only work hard in exchange for something tangible like the privilege of working from home.  I can accept this but up until then, I had been labouring under the misconception that the concept of shame was universal and could always be relied upon to help people improve.

Not so. But the concept of screwing up is universal and no one is immune to it.  It's human and in the fast-paced environment of a PR agency, it's probably inevitable.  So, the first time I called someone on the carpet for a screw-up caused by their failure to properly proofread, double-check details or use sound judgement, I expected that they would be appropriately shamed, would deal with it in whatever way worked for them (not everyone has to eat an entire pizza after all) and come back the next day with a renewed passion for excellence.  But the person just smiled, shrugged her shoulders and said, "These things happen".  I was so ill-equipped for this response that I reacted with stunned silence followed by yelling, which was not my intention at all.  While some of the people I've worked with have shared my proclivity for actually being embarrassed by their gaffes, it seems that nowadays, most don't, or if they do, they don't show it in any discernible way.

Shame has fallen out of fashion in the past few decades.  A major tool in the disciplinary arsenal of my parents' generation, it has been cast aside for more modern, humane methods like talking it out, boosting self-esteem and putting the blame elsewhere. There was some method to this madness.  A couple of decades of psychoanalysis revealed that carrying around shameful reminders of childhood transgressions was having a serious impact on many adults' ability to live a fulfilling, guilt-free life.   John Bradshaw, author of the New York Times bestselling book, Healing the Shame that Binds You, explains that there are two kinds of shame - healthy shame and toxic shame.  Healthy shame is what helps us get along with other people, prevents us from going through life as a total narcissist and, used properly, can be a force for positive growth. We need a little of this in our lives.

Toxic shame, on the other hand is often guilt-based and makes us feel bad about how we look or feel, where we were born, how we were raised, our religion, or our sexuality. When the baby boomers ushered in the self-esteem movement, they were right to try to rid society of toxic shame.  Whether it's imposed by others or self-imposed, it has no useful function and indeed, paralyzes many sufferers well into adulthood. The problem is, in attempting to rid ourselves of the pain of toxic shame, we threw the baby out with the bathwater and ditched healthy shame at the same time.  The pendulum has swung too far and we're now living in an age of self-revelation where doing anything in public is acceptable.  Rather than take accountability for their actions, criminals blame their childhood, their stress level, the economy, Wall Street.  Fame-hungry reality stars compete in lewd and degrading competitions desperate to extend their 15 minutes of infamy.  Teenagers videotape themselves or others behaving badly and then share it on Facebook for all to see.

I think it's time to embrace a return to healthy shame for the good of society.  Just imagine, in a world where people are shamed for their embarrassing behaviour, there would be no Keeping Up With the Kardashians, no Wall Street banking tycoons still holding jobs, no people having loud inane cell phone conversations in public and no politicians emailing photos of their genitalia to interns.  This is something I can get behind.

Ten Old-School Tips for Keeping a Job, Even in Hard Times

When I started my very first job more than 20 years ago, my father gave me one piece of advice – be the first one in the office in the morning and the last one to leave at night.  Although he had spent most of his life working in factories, he knew this to be true and in all of my jobs since then, including managing my own business, I’ve never gone wrong with this mantra.

In addition, here are ten more tips for impressing your bosses:

1. Listen more than you talk – You may know some stuff but you don’t know everything.  If you’re starting out in your career, you have a lot to learn from others who have been doing it longer.  If you don’t understand a particular decision or strategy, ask for the rationale so you can learn.

2. Don’t worry about your co-workers – Unless they are jeopardizing a project, don’t spend a lot of time complaining about your co-workers.  You may think you work harder than they do but you don’t know if they take work home at night or come in on the weekend.

3. Learn how to manage your time – Most offices open at a set time and everyone should be there by then with no excuses. If you find it hard to arrive at the office on time, you will miss out on opportunities and it is unlikely that you will be promoted.  Similarly, arrive at meetings on time and ready to contribute.

4. Don’t be afraid to ask for a raise – but be prepared to explain what you have done to deserve it in documented detail. 

5. Don’t forget where you came from – Promotions usually mean more work, not less.  Yes, you can now delegate tasks to more junior employees but you are still responsible for the final product.

6. Become an expert – although you should have a working knowledge of all the facets of your business, become the ‘go-to’ person on at least one thing.  Devote yourself to becoming the most knowledgeable person in the office in this area and you will always be in demand.

7. Get organized – Keep your office space neat and tidy.  If your boss asks you for something, she will not be impressed by watching you rifle through unruly stacks of paper.

8. Be informed – Read at least one source of news before you arrive at the office but preferably more.  You should never find out important news from a client.

9. You are not above anything – No matter what your qualifications, experience or intelligence, you are there to simplify the lives of your managers.  Perform every task with enthusiasm and impeccability.

10. Don’t be a troublemaker – Nothing is more toxic to a workplace than a person who is trying to stir up dissent.  If you are truly unhappy, take your case to your manager or find another environment that better suits your needs.

Weigh the options before you pull a Johnny Paycheck

Take this Job and Shove It...If you're over 40, you probably remember that old Johhny Paycheck song. It's a sad tale about a man who worked long and hard for no reward. It struck such a chord with disgruntled workers in America, that it spent 18 weeks at Number 1, was the basis for a movie of the same name and has become an anthem for overworked and under-appreciated employees everywhere.

I found myself humming this song as I read about Kai Nagata, a 24-year-old CTV correspondent who became so disillusioned with what he termed the "Barbie and Ken" style of TV news that he felt he had no choice but to resign. But he didn't just hand in his letter, eat his farewell cake, clear his desk and leave. Instead, he chose to vent his frustration in a 3,000-word missive about everything that's wrong with the business. The essay went on to receive widespread attention from journalists across Canada and was even lauded by Roger Ebert.

Before I go any further, let me say that his parting words, admittedly well-written, are much more eloquent than the words in the Johnny Paycheck song and he makes some valid points. Among other claims, Nagata bemoans the "unspoken ratio of talent to attractiveness" and the focus on the recent royal visit when "there was real news happening". And, in a world where few people act with integrity, I admire his decision not only to resign from a position which doesn't align with his personal values but also to have the courage to outline the reason for his departure in so candid a manner.

From a business etiquette viewpoint however, I don't believe it's a good idea to burn your bridges so spectacularly at such a young age. I'm not totally against the burning of bridges and I've torched a few myself but in each case, I weighed the pros and cons of the consequences and really asked myself if my discomfort, dislike or disgust of the person or organization was so great that I was comfortable knowing I could never count on them for support again On the few cases, I decided to burn a bridge, I shared my opinions freely but only with my direct supervisor, in person and in private and without any desire to gain fame or notoriety from it.

Although he may be one of the few to act on his impulses, Nagata is simply the latest in a long line of young people (myself included) who have chosen a profession, studied it and dreamed of all the wonderful things we would do with it, only to find out that, once we were finally working in our chosen field, it didn't live up to our expectations. This is a huge disappointment for an idealistic young person and sadly, remains a source of frustration for many people who have been toiling away for decades.

We are all tested in the workplace and we all face times when we have to decide whether or not we should continue working at a job which has become unpleasant, that is, assuming we have the freedom to do so. If such freedom exists then we need to establish our personal threshold for frustration. How important it is that the way we pay our bills match our personal values, that the role we have is the one we signed up for, that the business operations of our employer match the values on its mission statement, that we feel comfortable with the state of the industry in which we toil?

And if it's unbearable, then we leave, and etiquette dictates that we do it in as gracious a manner as possible, not only because it's the professional thing to do, but also because it's a small world and we need all the friends we can get.

I'm not sure how the future will unfold for this young man. Perhaps the infamy he has achieved from his farewell letter will catapult him to a much more rewarding position and his risk will have been well worth it. But he's very young and has a lot of working years left. Let's hope he never has to ask his former employers for a reference.

Have you ever told someone to "take this job and shove it?" I'd love to hear about it.

Tire Kickers - A Little Respect Please?

I haven't blogged for a couple of weeks, partly because I was in the country with my family, squeezing out the last days of summer. It was a wonderful vacation temporarily disrupted by a major etiquette violation I've decided to share in the context of a troubling trend for us entrepreneurs - the professional tire kicker.


An expression from the used car lot, the "tire kicker" is a person who wastes the time of a salesman though he has no intention of buying. We're not selling used cars at Palette PR but we are getting calls from many people who feel that investing in PR might be just what they need to weather the economic storm. Only, they're not sure how much they want to spend, what their objectives are, or when the project might start.


And, before taking the plunge, they need some assurance that it's the right step. This assurance comes in the form of a meeting in which we share our expertise, show examples of past work, talk about how we might help them and try to get a sense of what they're looking for. While we don't get an idea of the budget we are often promised that "while the initial amount will be on the low side, there is great potential for it to be increased if we're successful". This meeting concludes with a request for a two-or-three-page proposal in which we provide some free ideas for what a campaign might look like. A week or so later, we may be asked to come in and present the ideas in person to someone who is positioned as "the decision-maker". We are told that, if we can impress this mandarin, then the business is as good as ours. Sadly, all too often, this person has "difficulty understanding our vision" and asks for another memo with more detail on how things will play out. And on it goes until, after not hearing from them for a few weeks, we follow up with the potential client, only to find out that they have: a) decided they're not interested in PR after all, b) loved our ideas and have decided to do everything in-house, c) decided to work with another agency and haven't had a chance to inform us.

The person who disturbed the tranquility of my recent vacation was one such potential client, looking for PR assistance in an area in which I have considerable expertise. In order to make a decision, he needed a proposal very quickly. In a telephone conversation, I agreed to prepare a document for him within 48 hours. As an agency principal, I am always engaged in building the business so I begged forgiveness from my family, closed the door and put my work hat on. Five minutes after sending it to Mr. potential client, I received the following e-mail: "Thanks but we've already hired someone".


There is a professional way to look for an agency partner and many organizations respect it by clearly stating their budget, objectives and expectations for the project before meeting with agencies. Some work with search firms like Agency Link and some even compensate participating companies for ideas. When the process is over, these organizations call the unsuccessful parties as soon as the decision has been made and, in an ideal scenario, offer meaningful feedback that will help them do a better job next time.


I realize that, in trying times, it's tough to decide where to spend your marketing dollars and the wrong choice can have lasting consequences. But, that doesn't mean you have the right to waste anyone's time on phantom projects that may or may not happen, with a budget that may or may not materialize and the promise of future, more lucrative work that may or may not come to pass.


That's just not good etiquette!

Collaboration versus Competition

Last night I attended a great networking event on personal branding, a topic of increasing importance in business. It was a wet, dreary February night in Toronto but the event drew over 80 people, eager to hear how they could amp up their own brands.

I've been hearing a lot about the need to brand oneself lately. It even surfaced in a recent article on changes in the publishing industry in which Canadian author Margaret Atwood joked: "The term 'relentless self-promoter' used to be an insult in publishing circles. Now it will be a necessity." Too true.

The three panelists were Leesa Barnes, social media expert, Paul Copcutt who has a great newsletter on personal branding, and Diane Craig, etiquette and image consultant and fellow alumni of the Protocol School of Washington.

There was a great discussion about online versus offline personas with the panelists agreeing that they should match rather than clash. Your social media presence (website, twitter posts, blogs, etc.) should reflect who you are as a person, your personal style, philosophy, values, etc. So for example, while some people are able to pull off 'snarky' really well on Twitter, if I tried, it would come off as phony to those who know me in person. Paul suggested we choose the social media forum that best fits our personal likes/dislikes. If you don't particularly enjoy writing, then blogging is probably not for you, but Twitter could be perfect.

In response to a question about business versus personal branding, Diane reminded us that we can change our image overnight but our reputation is with us forever so it is something we should continually cultivate, even if we switch jobs, careers or industries.

In addition to the insightful discussion, I was really impressed by the willingness of attendees and panelists to meet others, make introductions and share ideas, even with competitors. This group was there to mingle and mingle they did. I've been in the business long enough to remember networking events of old, where panelists didn't circulate with the guests and people working in the same field didn't necessarily share contacts. I already have meetings set up with some of my new contacts so we can share ideas and collaborate.

There are many changes hapenning in business now - some scary, some promising - but the shift from competition to collaboration is one I can embrace.

Co-worker driving you nuts?

Does it offend you when your colleagues use profanity to make a point? If you're in the U.S. or U.K, you're not alone but if you're Australian, it probably doesn't bother you. In fact, you might be one of the swearers. According to the International Business Etiquette Index, a global survey commissioned by an Australian office space provider, swearing is ranked as the most hated business behaviour with 79 per cent of all respondents saying it was unacceptable. This apparently doesn't apply in the denizens of Hollywood agents or restaurant kitchens a la Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and Entourage where profanity not only rules but seems to be the best way to get things done.

Arriving at work and not saying hello to co-workers came in at number two (77 per cent of respondents). We discussed the survey results at our weekly staff meeting here at Palette PR and this stat set off a debate about whether you needed to say hello to each colleague individually or just to the receptionist. We concluded that it was imperative to say hi to each person who saw you come into the office but admitted that could be a little tough in a large open space.

The third most annoying office behaviour according to the survey was talking loudly in the office. While the Palette team agreed this was annoying, we decided that it would move up or down the ranks depending on the office layout and would be more pronounced in an open concept or cubicle environment.

What makes this survey interesting are the differences across various cultures. Australians, for example, have a really high tolerance for cussing in the workplace but are offended when a co-worker has a drink and doesn't offer to buy or make one for someone else. 20 per cent of Chinese workers considered it impolite to address bosses by their first name but that didn't register a blip among U.S. or U.K. workers.

This highlights the need to adapt your etiquette approach when travelling and spending time in other countries. My reading list has some good suggestions for books that can help prepare you for the subtle differences in protocol you'll encounter while travelling.

And by the way, for those of you who insist on using smiley faces and dancing hearts to sign off your business e-mails, that was on the top ten list...so stop it!